Unstable

It's all pretty much a mystery how a person can have so many moods in a day. The heart is normally the holder of all emotion, but the mind tends to make the heart confuse itself on how to feel. Joy turned to anger. Anger turned to sadness. Sadness turned to calm. Calm turned to pain. A smile to a frown. A frown to a tear. The stream that is following says a lot and nothing at all. The happy place was tapped into but brought along with it the painful thoughts come with what is desired. At times, to not have what is needed for the heart to remain whole is to not have anything at all. Vunerability comes with the removal of the strength once built to withstand anything and with that, weakness of controlling the feelings and emotions of a broken soul starts to overpower the thoughts of the mind. Randomness becomes a new way of expression, and anything can come without warning. Overly dramatic. Highly emotional. Completely off. No self control. It all sees itself running from itself, and the mirror stares back without even the tiniest crack. What is happening is unknown. What is being done is real, but it can be overcome. There is no real winner in this raging battle as it comes to an end at lost. There is no peace, and things might not ever change...

A Return to a Love Lost

I remember when I first realized who you were. It was love at first sight. You were standing looking at me, and I couldn't help but to recognize your smile. It was from then on I vowed to love you forever and never mistreatment the greatest chick I know. So happy. So goofy. So full of life. Our bond was something that could never be broken. I thought we were inseparable. As time went on, my love for you got stronger. Through all the teasing and physical stuff, I still loved you. When no one wanted to make me feel like someone, you made me feel welcome. Moving you around was something I hated to do, but it was only for the best. You seen that. You were my life line, my hero, and my comfident. We never fought, and you always knew what to do. My love for you was once greater than I could ever imagine. Then it happened. Somewhere along the line, I started to change. You couldn't make me happy anymore. You tried and your effort had no limit, but it wasnt enough. The negative thoughts of others made you want to reconsider life. My love for you started to fade. It was gradually decreasing, and there was nothing you wanted to do to stop it. You started to let me go, and I started to push you away. Looking at me became harder and harder because you couldn't stand the sight of me. I loved you, and you loved me, but it wasn't enough to keep up with you. I lost you and the admiration that I always had for you and cherished. You were my foundation, and without you, I didn't want to stand. For you, I didn't want to fight. I knew one day you would come back to me, but after all these years, my love for you has wavered. I want you back. I need and want to love you again. Your warmth, comfort, and dedication to me is something no one else can give like you. I miss you. You're the greatest chick I know, and I would to have you back and fall in love with you all over again. I'm thoroughly prepared to put in the effort to make this work between us.

Signed, Me

Bright as Day

It's clear what is going on...the light that is being shone has to come from somewhere. The sun has long went down, but the light shines bright as ever. It's just them in the room, and it's clear to see that the feeling in the air is more than what they both expected. No bed. Just a blanket. No words. Just holding each other. No sounds. Just staring with small kisses in between. The room has little actual light, but the smiles that they were showing each other was more powerful than ever before. At first, they were too shy to show each other their true colors. Yes, there has always been laughs and giggles, but eye contact was very minimal, and this created something in the both of them that made it so much more different. Months of dancing and jumping around each other. No more going on between them but the kisses and cuddling that they are sharing right now. The dates. The hours of conversation. The moments of laughter that they couldn't hold in. The times of her crying on the shoulder of the other chick in times of need. The comfort she provided when her beautiful counterpart was in need of a hug or just a friend. It all comes to light at this moment. Nothing can take this away from them now. As they caress each other, they communicate through each other's eyes, and they both know that they do not want to take it there just yet, but they know that they are at a place now where there is no return. She smiles. Her female counterpart smiles back. It's fate, they both think. They now believe, more than ever, that they will last for a very long, if not forever. The intimacy that they share says way more to them than any removal of their clothing could do. As they retreat to the bedroom to hold each other and sleep, they remain silent, but the smiles that are their faces are felt throughout the walls that that surround them, and this brings more light into the room and more shine into the situation than ever could be imagined. Nothing needs to be said, and that is they way they silently decide to keep it. There is no rain that come down on their parade anytime soon...that, to them, is absolute bliss...

Engulfed

The four walls that surround me could never know my story, but that is not their place. As I stare at the ceiling, the randomness of my mind play a tune for me that is bittersweet. The thought of drifting off to la la land has not hit my body, so sleep is not coming anytime soon. The spot that is being occupied by my physical being only caresses her so gently. Comfortable. Her life has become a tainted and altered form of what it once was, or at least that is what the voice of insecurity that exists inside of her is telling her right now. She listens as that voice tries to reason with her to do things she couldn't just do on a regular day. The events that only exist in her imagination start to play for her in a beautiful movie form that exhibits heartache, tragedy, laughter, happiness, and sorrow. Her normal state of confusion never sleeps, and her fixed  place in the world of curiosity will not move for anything. She focuses on the routine she has created for her life, and she plays with the idea of a change, but the voice tells her she's crazy. "What's the point?," she wonders as she turns to face the wall. She whispers to herself that she is fine the way she is, but the truth behind that statement loves to rear its ugly head. Wrapped in the covers is the body she possesses but does not own. Wrapped in a never-ending battle of confidence and insecurity lies her sanity and mind. Covered in a sea of mixed emotions and uncertainty is her heart. Once joking about being in a shell, she now finds herself trapped without knowing a way of getting out. Sub conscious plays a major role in this autobiography she calls living as it works its way through her actions, words, and dealings. The things she can't stand she loves dearly. The things she embraces she wants to destroy. What she wants she pushes away. What she needs she ignores. What is not good for her is supreme ruler of her twisted mental world, and she can only pray that this stays a temporary thing. To matter to her can be the worst. To be nonexistent is, in itself, a blessing. The voice keeps talking as she tosses and turns her way into a web that the voice is weaving. The feeling of drowning increases with each twist of her body. The feeling of failure takes over her mental state, but that piece of her that's made of stone attempts to quiet the ridiculous words that are being spewed everywhere, but she knows it will never die. The urge to create separation starts to grow, but the willingness to stay won't allow her to. No tears. No sorrow. No sympathy. No remorse. Hurt and pain surround her senses, but she has to remember that it is all hypothetical but feels all too real. There is something that the voice is correct about: she has found herself in that cycle again. Breaking out of it is a bitch, but it is not impossible. As she closes her eyes for one more last attempt at running through dreamland, she can't help but to wonder what will be the monkey wrench to make that machine stop and forever alter what she says just can't be life.

Blending

Mmmm...waking up in a bit of a daze. She looks around remembering that she is in a penthouse on the other side of town. She smiled at the body laying next to her. It was their first time together since she met him four months ago. She never thought she would even give him the time of day. It didn't  cross her mind until their first conversation. Not the kind of man she is used to. Blond hair. Green eyes. Vanilla colored skin. Body has definition but not too much. He was a fine specimen of a man. Such a gentleman. She never thought twice about being seen with him. She doesn't give two fucks what others think, and she loved the fact that he didn't either. She couldn't figure out what he saw in her because she knew what he was used to dating, and she was no where near close. She laid there, watching him sleep, thinking about the past twelve hours of her life. Going to see a show. Dinner cooked and prepared in the best restaurant. Relaxing moments on his couch. A kiss here. A caress on the arm. Cuddling slowly turning to passion. Clothes slowly being removed. She has to pause and look at him for a few seconds because she couldn't believe this was happening. It was real, and she knew that she wanted to definitely make this happen. She didn't know how she was going to react to his dick once she saw it, but she was surprised when all she  did was take it in her mouth and made love to it with her tongue. He handled her body ever so gently. He ate her pussy ever so greatly. He laid her down in his California King ever so gracefully. She reacted in the same way she had done for men in her past, and she knew her life would change after this night. She loved the way he paid attention to her movements and body as he made her cum over and over again. She rode and bounced on his dick like there was no tomorrow. He rubbed her back as he fucked her royally, and she couldn't get enough of it. They worked each other until they both passed out. Letting this run through her head,  she watched as he started to stir and open his eyes to look at her. He smiled when he realized she was still there and invited her into his arms. She accepted, and she closed her eyes and relaxed against his chest. It had been so long since they both has a moment like this. Neither one of them thought this would ever happen with them together, but both were glad to have it happen. As they drifted back to sleep, they both started dreaming about the next moments they would share. The cloud that they both were on at that time was becoming the most comfortable place in the world.

Get It Girl (originally written July 3rd)

The door was a few inches away. He was staring at it as part of his mind that told him this was going to be great kicked in hard. She saw his car outside and opened the door in the purple dress she had just bought  that day. Short, tight, low cut, and revealing. His mouth started to salivate at the sight of her in that outfit with the matching heels. She stepped out the way so that he could come in and pointed to the chair in the middle of the living room. She cleared out the room except for the chair and the living room table. She hit play on her iTouch, starting the playlist she had created just a few hours before. As Play started to blur from the home stereo system, she bounced her way to the top of the table. He leaned back and watched her dance on the table like a stripper on a stage. She bounced her ass to the music and grinded her hips when deemed appropriate. The heels supported her weight perfectly, and she was dipping. splitting, and shaking those long legs and voluptuous ass of hers. He couldn't help but to stare as Back That Azz Up made her start bouncing in ways he didn't know she could move. She grabbed the bottom of her dress and vibrated as she pulled it over her head. Her 40DD titties were jumping with every movement she made, and all he wanted to do was touch on her. The purple and black lace set she had on accentuated every curve and inch of her body. No stomach in sight, she grinded her hips and swayed to the sounds of Like Glue, slowly moving her hands over her body as she vibrated and popped her body at the same time. He was caught in a daze because this is a side of her that he had only dreamed about. She turned her back to him as she unsnapped her bra and continued to gyrate her way to getting him as hard as a rock. She slowly twisted around to face him and then dropped down to all fours as Get Loose made her flexibility get out on display. She laid on her back and lifted her legs up so that she could slide her panties off and expose her pussy to him. Since the heels were strapped on, she didn't have to worry about them coming off in the process of her moving so much. Slowly sitting up, she hopped off the table and danced her way to him as Rihanna did in Rude Boy, which was playing. She turned around and grinded her naked body in his lap, allowing him to grab her various parts and kiss down her back. As the song was starting to hit the last minute, she turned around and straddled him. Kissing his lips and feeling on his dick, she moved her mouth to his ear and said,"Let's fuck. Right here. Right now." She got up and laid on the table, heels still on, and she knew he would do it considering this was his fantasy becoming reality. Naked bodies collided as the playlist went on, making the night that much sweeter.

Heightened Darkness

Mmmm...that's the sound I make when you kiss my lips. The taste of you is phenomenal. Never thought I see the day when I date somebody like you, but I must admit, your physique intrigues me. Your sweetness goes beyond the taste of you. Your respect for me makes me want you a little bit everyday. Tall, dark, and handsome. Three words I still can't believe I'm using to describe the man slowly removing my clothes and caressing my body. Yes, I love living in this moment. My legs wrapped around your body. Your heavenly smell engulfing my senses. Those big, strong hands moving across my skin. I get enticed by your accent as you whisper in my ear what you want from me. Fuck, that got me hot! The softness of your body lets me know you take the best care of yourself. Your muscular build is something I have silently admired and always wondered about. Now, I get to see the flesh that has been placed captive in those clothes. We have been tip-toeing around each other for too long, but now, it's our time to know what the other feels like. As we stand facing each other, I smile at how I only come to your chest. You chuckle at my lack of height, even with my heels on. I playfully push you on the bed and climb on top of you. Oooo...sightings of your dick intrigues my pussy and makes my mouth water. I kiss my way down to it, feeling your fingers run through my hair. Have you been thinking about this like I have, baby? Have you dreamed of this moment as I have on those nights when I have come home without you? Slowly but surely, my fantasies will come true. I will re-enact us into reality. Yes, I love the way the taste of your dick makes my pussy throb with excitement. Yeah, I'm loving the sounds you make as I suck and lick my way down your dark chocolateness. It's only right that I make you cum down my throat as I cum down yours. It's time baby. Bring that ass here and give me what I've been wanting is all I hear from you. I jump on the dick, placing my hands on your stomach and riding real slow, speeding up as I grind my hips  and bite my lip. I feel your hands holding me and guiding my body. We both moan from the feeling, making sure I don't lose control. Shaking. Bouncing. Moaning. Gripping. Dan I can't take it! I cum down your shaft and lay on your chest, only to feel you lift my body and stand up, your manhood still in me and my body still against yours. With my back against the wall, I damn near scream at how you stroking me. Feel it running down your legs? Like how my legs tighten around you? Your strength is expected, but your power is a surprise to me. The way you lay me down keeps me excited. The fact that you know where to hit it just right keeps me wanting more. Moans. Cums. Screams. Shivers. I hear your breathing deeper. I feel so surrounded by your large frame but can't help to pull myself into it. I grip your broad shoulders as my pussy continues to drown the bed and ourselves. The breathing goes harder. Our bodies tense up together. We both release  and feel ourselves coming down. You lay down in the mess we have made and pull me on top of you. I giggle and lay down on your chest, unable to fight the feeling of a baby in her father's arms. Relax is what we tell ourselves. Clean-up is what's next on the agenda. Tall, dark, and handsome. That's how it's going to be for a good while...

Grooving

The crowd has gotten thick, but the air is still cool as it blows and circulates around the well dressed bodies that surround the place. Even though the drinks have been flowing, nobody has lost their cool. The ladies are laughing and giggling as they enjoy the scenery, and the men are looking around to find that one to get at. There are a few bar sitters, but nobody is hugging the wall. No suit jackets. Nothing extra stiff or fancy. Just relaxed. That's the atmosphere that these grown and sexy people have been brought into. Smiles adorn the place, the music sets the tone for what everybody is expecting: a great time. There are no worries about safety. There are no arguments about territory. Everybody is just enjoying each other without there being any expectations. The aurora screams wonderful. Everybody seems to have manners as they weave and walk their way through the crowd and around each other. Then it happens. The DJ calls everybody to the dance floor. The music starts to blur around everybody and is so engulfing that no one can resist the temptation to dance. It's nothing short of amazing as every man and woman that are in the place starts to move around the floor and bounce around to the beats and lyrics that are surrounding the place. Yes, it's happening. Tonight, relax is the word of the evening. Fun is the goal accomplished. A good time is what is achieved. The staff and the head honcho join the rest of the people in this time of rare commodity. No one can remember such as a free state of being with so many people around that has no problems. Everybody will embed this night into their minds as if it was New Year's: a night to never forget. Then comes the last call. Everybody starts to exit and make their way to their next destination. Numbers have been exchanged. Connections have been made. Groups have gone their separate ways. Time to shut it down for the night...Yes it has been another success...

Just That...

A look to the left. The clock reads 5:36pm. A look to the right. She looks at him for about a minute as he sleeps. He doesn't know she has sat up and is contemplating her escape. She wants to leave so bad, but she knows that once she gets up, so will he. He looks so peaceful. She can't help but to smile, but she knows that he is only going to wake up to ask her if she is ready to go. Why not beat him to the punch? She thinks that her leaving without him asking will hurt his feelings for some reason. Why does I care so much? is what she ask herself. The thought of going to the bathroom crossed her mind, so she went. She knew that if he heard the bathroom door close, he would go back to sleep and think nothing of it. As she stands in the bathroom, she starts to cry. The tears are silent, but she can't help it. They come from the feeling that this is going to be the rest of her life. The idea that she will never be taken seriously is embedded in her mind. The notion that she will only be good enough to fuck and occasionally be around is something she believes is inevitable. She wipes away her tears, flushes the toilet, and runs the water as if she actually did anything. She didn't want there to be any questions. She will never tell him about her hopes and dreams of getting married and having a family because they don't talk about that stuff. Yes, they know each other outside of the bedroom, but it is not enough for her. She can't take just being a fuck buddy even though this is the position that she has played for years. She loves to fuck, but she does have the plan for more. Six years since her last relationship. Four years since her last real date. Two years since she has gotten her own everything, and yet she still is without that person on her arm to do everything that she ask and love her the way she wants. Instead of looking, she settles for the little bit of affection that is given to her when he hugs against her body when they are finished. She looks forward to the little kisses on her neck and lips that he gives her when he sees her and starts to take her clothes off. She enjoys the brief conversations that they have from time to time about absolutely nothing. She refuses to have the conversation with him because she doesn't want to scare him off. Besides, there is no real feelings there. They are not even friends. They are just fucking."Get it together girl" is what she tells herself before she feels anything for him, but she can't help it. No, he ain't the only one that she lays next to, but he treats her the best. She's no side line bitch, but she is not the one and only to anyone, and that is what kills any good feeling that she has about being here. She looks at him in the bed, but she doesn't see herself rejoining him. She grabs her clothes. He starts to stir. She puts on her shoes. He sits up. She walks towards the door. He says her name. "I'll see you later" is all she says to him as she walks out and makes it to her car door. She rolls away, wiping away the tears as she gets further and further away from what she considers the closest thing she will ever have to a relationship. It freezes her heart to think that way. It burns her soul to believe any part of it. She knows it is nothing more than what it is. Her emotions are out of line. Down the expressway she goes, headed to her solitude to wait for that next call or text of somebody saying that they are in need. She vows to herself that she will have the family life that she wants...now all she has to do is make herself believe it...

Craving

It's always around. No matter where she turns, no matter what she do, it's there. She sees it. She feels its presence. She can almost taste it. She knows in her mind and in her heart that she only wants it because it's there. The variety is endless. The pickings is more than few. It's there at her grasp. she acknowledges it without even trying. She says no. She turns away, and it's there, staring her in the face again. She has the ability to control herself. She can't shake it off. She can't stop it from being there. Rejection is her only option. She knows she's alone in this struggle, but support is never too far from her grasp. She ask for it when necessary, but her conscience reminds her of what will come if she takes it, accepts it, aligns herself with it. She is her own person, but she can't be with it. She enjoys it, but it is not good for her. She likes how it never goes away, but she wishes sometimes that it will. It always being there hinders more than helps. The truth is that she doesn't want to deal with it, and it's only a headache and heartbreak. Yet, she thinks about it. Hears about it. Wants to talk about it. No, that can't happen. She has been negative enough. She sees it. She knows it's there, yet she ignores it. ENOUGH!! She screams. She cries. She fusses. She fights. She laughs. She smiles. She embraces her inner self. She tells herself that she can do this. She believes it. It can't do anything to her now. It can't do anything for her benefit. She walks away proudly with her head held high. She guarantees herself that she will not give in to it or have anything to do with it. Regardless of what the world may think. Regardless of what she wants. Regardless of what is going on. She will win this war. She will come out on top. She will be the victor once and for all. And then, only then, she will move on to the next best thing.

Out of Body Experience

It's like a movie that only her mind can record. It's a feeling that can't be matched. She watches as he touches her body and caresses her skin with his head between her legs. She watches as her body can't control itself and wants to move more and more as she feels his tongue working her pussy. She jerks at his sucking. She sees how she shakes when she cums in his mouth, and she silently laughs at her reaction. She sees the look on her face that is craving for more but knows she won't say it because she is catching her breath. She watches him walk towards her with his new toy and the condom he just put on. They both smile. She opens her legs to invite him in as he turns her body towards him. She watches as he lifts her legs up to his body and slides inside. She plays spectator to her eyes closing to the feeling of his dick fitting rightfully in her pussy. She silently chuckles at the sound of the vibrating object in his hand that he places on her clit. She loves the faces that she makes when she moans, and she can't help to see the enjoyment in his eyes to her reaction. The combination of the vibes and the strokes overpower her body, and she lets her attention fade off of them for a few moments as she feels her body do things it never has as she is experiencing something she has never felt. Slowly, she comes back to see herself squirting everywhere. The ecstasy that is running through her body is enough to make her want to scream. She can't take her eyes off the way her pussy is continuously cumming over and over again, making the both of them wetter and wetter. She loved the way he was making his dick drown in it and never stopped stroking. She was laughing at the way she lost control when he sucked her titties with his dick deep inside, but she knows how incredible he feels and how much she loves that. As he continues to work her body, she continues to watch him put down the A+ game she loves so much. She watches as he continues to prove why he is the best. She looks on as he turns her over. She knows what is coming next. She watches him fuck her pussy in the fashion she enjoys from the back. She felt him going deeper with each stroke. She saw in her face the expressions she makes when she cums. She saw him breathing harder. She heard him groan. Her favorite thing to hear. She ever so gracefully returned just in time to feel him pull out and play with her even more, making her squirt all over the bed while still bent over. Round 2 was definitely something she will never forget...

Mentally

Seeing parts that are not on the body. Pinching fat that is not there. Staring at the consistent spots that appear on the face. Forgetting about the visible birthmark that no one mentions. Randomly thinking about the one hair that grows on the chin and is plucked away when noticed. Wondering when the much needed dental work will be done. Having hope that one day a cure will be found for the condition that exists. Sometimes wondering if the legs are too long. Feeling a little self-conscious about the feet. Smiling when being called beautiful. Frowning when not seeing it for oneself. Crying at the fear of being alone. Never wanting to be a disappointment. Always trying so hard to be everything. Having little luck at shaking the feeling of being nothing. Always seeing into the happiness of others. Waiting to feel happiness return. Finding that happy place every once in a while to smile. Fighting tears when thinking alone for too long. Sees the loved ones with a loved one yet to be found. Still can't see the same for self. Have the prediction of being nothing more than a friend to anyone. Having the optimism that things will be different. Wanting to be a success. Randomly feeling like a failure. Embracing life as it is. Rejecting life as it is. Striving to be better. Desiring to stay the same. Learning new things. Harboring old feelings. Thinking about the past. Seeing a brighter future. Figuring out what is wanted. Craving intimacy and affection. Longing for love and romance. Letting go of pain and hurt. Constantly wanting the best for others. Can't pinpoint the best for self. Emotionally torn apart. Seeming to always be able to smile at some point. Never liking to make others feel negatively. Not always feeling positively. Experiencing days of joy. Encountering days of sadness. Feelings of trying too hard. Greater feelings of not trying hard enough. Loves solitude. Hates confrontation. Talks too much. Doesn't talk enough. Confused. Depressed. Happy. Content. Love. Pain. Hurt. Recovery. Affectionate. Romantic. Passionate. Reserved. Nervous. Anxious. Paranoid. Scared. Intimidated. Brave. Outspoken. Quiet. Loves hard. Highly sympathetic. Strives for happiness. Feels lots of sadness. Wants to uplift others. Repeats positive things to uplift self. Smiles to self. Hugs self. Embraces self. Slowly starts to love self a drop more each day...learning to have self control all the way around and build oneself in the positive way. Sees nothing but blue, clear skies even on a rainy day...

Snap Snap

The scissors are sitting there in front of my face. I remember when I put them down so many months ago. Tying each and every string tighter and tighter so that I knew we would never be apart. I watched as we wrapped ourselves into them and laughed happily as they engulfed our bodies. We never thought that they were intoxicating, but we knew they were slowly and surely growing. What started off as just one became great in numbers. The strength of the strings were weak, but together, they held on strong. He couldnt see it, but my hand was always free behind my back, reaching into the cookie jar when he wasnt paying attention and always ready to start cutting if need be. I knew that the sound of the strings snapping into pieces would hurt because they were attached to our hearts along with ropes. Loving each other kept the strings alive. My free hand made sure they stayed loose. One day, I started untying them, thinking that maybe being tied up with him was not where I needed to be. We fussed. We tossed. We loved. We cried. As time went on, they fell one after another. Only I could see that the strings were disappearing, but I knew I couldnt get rid of the ones tied to my heart that easily. His voice was heartbreaking when I told him the strings were disappearing. He couldnt understand that I was still attached to him. My love for him is not on a string, but my heart is anchored with many ropes wrapped and double knotted in ways I dont understand. My mind wonders to him. My love for him makes me long for him. Thoughts of his intimacy occassionally cloud my brain. Remembrance of his affection intrude my senses from time to time. Still in my dreams is he. The scissors won't be enough for the task at hand, so the knife that I'm cutting with is expected to work. As the first rope falls to the floor, the pain is felt, but it goes away at a steady pace. I push away the rope that's cut  trying to forget the strings that are gone. As the tears come and go, as sleepless nights come and leave, as memories replay and disappear, the cutting must continue...the detachment is what we both is waiting for.

Stinging (originally written July 2nd)

At first, it was just fun and games. The jokes we were cracking with each other were just because that's the understanding we had. Then came a question that I didn't expect. Lying to you was not an option. I have hurt you enough, but how can I tell you that I was giving away the body that was once yours? I sat there contemplating my statement, but all I can do is reassure that you wanted the answer to that question. My heart started to jump. My actions as of late did nothing but solidify the answer. I didn't want to throw salt in the wound that I had already opened, but you deserve an honest, adult answer, so I told you the things you didn't want to hear. No details. Just yes and no answers. There was no way to explain that my feelings aren't attached to no one but you, but there is no way to explain the fact that it's not called sex between me and him. Your next words were cold but filled with emotion all at once. The possibility of us ever being together again started to seriously fade. The fact that you refuse to touch me is not what I want, but there is no talking you out of that decision. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to say I was lying. I wanted to tell you that there has not been anybody underneath my clothes but you. I couldn't. I wouldn't. All I could do is let the damage get worse. The words I preached before were being explained in the span of a short conversation. The love that I have for you was not enough to repair anything. To hear you speak the words of moving on hurts as much as it did the night we ended us. Being the perfect person for you has gone out the window. The hope to one day to be yours again is slowly fading. Telling you that I am only capable of hurting you more will do nothing but just that. Every spoken syllable that escapes my head is a step closer to you  hating me. The discontinuation of our discussion said it all. The feeling that I have of all hope of you loving another has died a little inside. The knowing that I have made it hell and possibly destroyed a good man can't escape  me. I won't cry. I won't worry. I will continue to live one day at a time knowing what I want and what I need. I will accept that you will never understand, but I have started to understand the position of another. I stare at my phone waiting for the dreaded words of you wanting nothing else to do with me, but they never come. Instead, I must live with the knowledge that I have started your healing process, and I must start mine. At this moment, I still want to say "see you later" instead of goodbye, but everything is now in your hands. My optimism will never let go of you, but my pessimism is pushing you to the side. This is the beginning of something that has already ended...

Rollercoaster (originally written on May 2nd)

The thoughts I have of you are still pleasant in the best ways. The way that I feel for you has a way of sneaking up on me every once in a while. I love you still, never forgetting the man I fell in love with but didnt hold on to. Feeling like hearing you laugh one minute. Hearing you yell at me the next. Sad because I no longer have you as my own. Mad when I think about the things I let go and probably won't get back. Relived of the stress and strain I've created. Being away is a battle. Thoughts are of wonder, abandonment, and intrigue. Thinking about what was. Contemplating on what could have been. Loving everything about you. Hating certain things about you. Still waiting with but still not wanting to in this present state. Emotions are running wild, but there is only a matter of time before they tame themselves again. I'm going to still be this way until this ride has ran it's course for the last time. Slowly, its beginning to make the moves the moves to slow down.

Wrecked

Years and years of building and repairing. Time and time again, making sure that everything is so intact. The place inside that says to a person, "you are great" becoming bigger and bigger. The life of a person's optimism becoming a center point as she decides to make herself mentally better. Torment will no longer stop her. Love will no longer be an enemy. Life will no longer be something that she hate. The scars that she has endured from the days of kids being cruel have dropped their scabs. There may be marks, but they fade deeply. Her confidence is becoming something so incredible, she can't even see how great it is herself. Never becoming cocky, she begins to walk with her head high and all the positivity in the world. Trying to ensure the happiness of everybody around her. Slowly, she starts to develop the dark places in her heart that become the holes of her negativity. She goes through her life believing that her always smiling face is bringing light to every body's lives, but she slowly begins to think about the things that she has done and how people have been hurt by her. The cries she has heard because of her actions. The dreaded news that she is not liked. Slowly, these spots that she didn't realize she had started to become cold. More and more, the way she started to carry herself became care free, but the level of love that she had for herself increased each day as her happiness became extraordinary. Watching her emotions crash wasn't a part of the plan. Experiencing random outbursts of her suppression was not what she expected. Crying at night was something she couldn't avoid. To live in the safest and riskiest ways was what happened to her. One day changed everything. One bad decision led to another. The lies. The deceit. The hatred. The love. The feel. the care. The smiles. The frowns. The ups. The downs. It hit her like a brick through a window, and her inside shattered into pieces. Slowly, the pieces are being put back together, but her insecurities are something that she can't handle. The emotions is something that she can't bear. The hurting continues. The pain won't go away. Everyday is just that, and her optimism is shot. The wound just doesn't seem to want to heal. She has never lost her faith of love and happiness, but its only for the ones that she is around. Never wanting to trump or destroy the happiness of others, but neglecting the possibility of having her own. The love she had for herself is tainted. The feelings that she developed towards life have started to freeze. The road she is headed down is the wrong one, but she seems not to want to turn around. Eventually, she will get to the positive side of things. Smiling from the inside is something that she comes to try and experience as she lives through the positive times of life, but being alone is something she no longer desires. Her thoughts have become the darkest place when in them too long, and she can't bear the sight of herself sometimes. She can't take the sound of her own voice at times, and she can't see herself being complete. Attention? Craved and not wanted. Affection? Desired but not sought. Confidence? There but not complete. The horrible accident that is that day has paralyzed her mind and bruised her soul. The work that she has put in to walk again in the aurora that she once had is something that seems to never be again. She just hopes that the part of the old her that beamed even at the littlest things will begin to resurrect itself and overcome the pessimistic person that only she sees...Her love for life has not wavered, but her love for herself collapsed when she was hit with those words. Her life has changed, and yet, it is still the same.

Repeat

The Beginning
Damn. Can't believe that all it takes for me to want it is to think and see you. The fact that the sight of you gets my pussy wet makes me want you more. The night has come by the time you pull up to my house. I get in your car, not informing you that I have on no panties under my dress. As you drive, I can't help but to touch your neck and shoulders. I grab your dick and watch you flash that sexy smile as I pull it out. Your presence is all it took to make me want it this bad. I whisper to you,"I wanna swallow it...now" before I take off my seat belt and proceed to do just that. Yes, you taste that great to me, and I continue to suck and lick my way around your manhood as you continue to drive. I feel the car stop, but I know we are just in a dark place. I proceed to finish the job that I started until your sweet cum slides down my throat. Mmmm...that's exactly what I wanted, but I whisper some more: "I want four more, and we're not stopping until I get what I want." I get you hard again and slide a condom on your dick, throw my legs back, adjust my dress, and simply say,"Fuck me...now!"
Round 2,
You climb between my legs and slide inside gently, slowly stroking my pussy and making me spread my legs as wide as I can get them. I pull out one of my titties and place it in your mouth as you fuck me harder and harder. I start to scream, cumming all over your dick. I start to shake, and you feel me, making you stroke me harder and faster. I grab your back as I cum harder and harder. As I squirt, I feel your breathing getting harder. I know it's coming. I scream your name and tell you,"GIVE IT TO ME DADDY!" You fuck me as hard as you can as you cum for me the second time. We clean up ourselves and the car before we proceed to your place. My leg shakes as we finish the ride. The touch of your hand on my thigh gets me going all over again. Pulling up to your house, I slowly prepare to make my next move...
Again,
We reach your room. I strip out of everything and tell you to do the same. "I want to feed you daddy...cut it on." You turn on the music I love to hear after I come back from wiping myself off. I have you lay down, and I climb on top of your face, gingerly placing my pussy in your mouth. Riding slow, I feel you licking and sucking my clit, making me moan and move my hips in a circle slowly. You grab my hips and turn me onto my back, eating my pussy like it's the last time you'll get the chance. The feeling is overwhelming, and I cum all over your face and bed. I let you wipe it off and then, looking at your hard dick, tell you, "lay down." You do so, and I place another rubber on you, this time sliding down on your dick and telling you "I won't stop riding until you cum." The grinding is slow. The pressure is light. As I hear you moan, I start to do it harder. As I feel every inch of your dick in me, I start to move in circles. I place my hands above your shoulders and start to bounce. I can feel myself cumming, but I don't stop. Grinding. Moans. Bouncing. Screams. Vibrating. Fuck! Bucking. Hard breathing. You grab my hips tight and start moving with me. As we move together, I cum harder than the first few times, but I know I'm not the only one...I slowly get up so that you can dispose of the result of my work.
Part 4,
The look in your eyes tells me I'm not in control anymore, but I know that the night is not over. You take out the cuffs and place them around my wrists so that I am cuffed to the headboard. You climb on top of me and feed me your dick to suck, slow fucking my mouth. I suck it as if I had both hands free, swallowing every inch. Harding, your dick fills my mouth perfectly, making me want it more. You climb off of me, undo one of the cuffs, and tell me to turn around. You cuff back to the headboard so that I'm on my knees. It's on. You slide it in but waste no time fucking me harder and harder. You pull my hair and smack my ass, making me scream. Shit! You start to pound my pussy, and I squirt all over the both of us and the bed. You stick a finger in my ass, driving me insane and causing me to cum harder. I hear it again. You start to go as hard as you can, and I start to throw it back just as hard. You pull out fast, and I feel the cum hit my back, making me wiggle a little bit. You uncuff me and clean up the cum on my body. I look you in the eye. "One more time, no toys, no mercy. Fuck me senseless and give me what I want. Please daddy please."
Final Act,
We sat on the bed, talking and playing with each other for a little while. We needed to breath for a second but the rest period was not long as you started to suck on my titties while letting me stroke your dick. All my senses were alert  at this point. I knew this was going to be it for the both of us. I placed my hand on your back, rubbing it gently as the other continued its job of getting you ready for me. You get up and tell me to lay back. I obey, and you grab my legs, placing them on your shoulders and sliding in. The pace is steady. The rhythm starts to become familiar to my body. I start to arch my back and move with you. As you go faster, you take my legs off your shoulders and allow me to wrap them around your back. I start to meet you with every stroke, feeling my body shake. You go even harder, making the bed even wetter. I kiss your neck. You kiss mine. I grab your head and ears. You suck on my breasts, one at a time, never losing your rhythm. I try to look at you, but my eyes roll back as I feel myself running down your dick and leg. Faster. Moans. Harder. Groans. you start to dig deep, and I start to shake all over again. The harder I cum, the harder you pump. I grab your body and lock my legs around you. The breathing starts. I scream your name. The breathing gets harder. It's that time. I meet your strokes but stop when you start losing control. You fuck me with everything you  got, and we both end up shaking together. I cum my hardest, soaking us both, triggering you to do the same. All the movement stops as we both start to come down from the high we have received from each other. After a good five minutes of us laying there recovering, I walk to the shower. You join me, and we clean each other off before we go change the sheets and climb in the bed.
The Aftermath
We lay under the cover, holding each other but soon letting go because of the heat in the room. Sleep came easy for the both of us, but I chuckled at the thought of the fact that all it took was me seeing you to want all of that. All triggers are not lethal.

The Drunk Feeling

The mind starts to drift. The senses start to waiver. Everything starts to fade as if this is a dream. Along with every noise, the brain starts to become alert and pops the body back into the attention. The limbs become weak with each minute that passes. Slowly, the mind drags everything else down and tries to pull it into the submission of sleep. Everything becomes an obstacle that is to be overcome. Walking is as difficult as holding the body up straight in the chair. No matter how much walking is done, the body can't pull itself together. Yawns turn into long, deep breaths that shake the body but does nothing to wake it up. The room spins. Words are slurred because speech cannot be made. Only time can relieve this beat down of the body. Only sleep can stop this semi-conscious fight that is happening internally and externally. Everything is losing the battle, and both the mind and the body succumb to the extreme feeling that exist. The proper measures are taken. Slumber comes as easy as the feeling has. Only a matter of time before all the droswiness and sucking feeling of this state is gone...

The Condition

The feeling is back. The tears are unbearable but cannot be stopped. Suppression is not an option when it comes to the reality of her life. Three years have passed, but she still has yet to cope with this unwanted baggage. Her mistakes have to live with her for life. Her feelings of loneliness stem from it. She still hears those dreaded words from the doctor. "The rest of your life." To never go away. To never be erased. To always be a hazard to others. The preparation she made for herself from that day forward is still intact. She can't help but to feel she will forever be alone. The kids she wants will never exist. The marriage she wants will not happen. To love and live with another will only happen to a certain extent. Her lack of care for herself in her younger days has cost her precious gift of unlimited expression, and she emotionally still hasn't been able to live with it. She thinks those that know and have chosen to be with her in erotic ways, but she also considers the fact that all will never be the same. Her cries continue, but the only person that has sympathy for her is herself. Only one person has any idea of how she feels, but even that person doesn't know the true pain she feels inside because of this condition. A few bags of emotion have created homes in her brain, making her feel these ways. The fear of being heartbroken. The wait for her insecurity to take over her life. The hurt she would feel if she brought this on someone else. The anger she feels inside towards the person that has put her in this position. She used to love herself with all her heart, but it is just a percentage. A small part of her is in intensive care, and all she wants to do is bring it back to the most stable condition. The mirror at times is her best friend, but at times, it is her worst enemy. She lays there thinking to herself that no one would not want to live like this forever. Suicide has never been an option, but depression has already happened. Sadness is something she is all too familiar with. She still loves herself, but she can't help to harp on the mistakes she has made and the lifestyle she has to live. Slowly repairing the hole that has been burned through her heart, she says a prayer, wipes her eyes, and turns over to face the wall as she wishes her daily nightmare would become a mere thought. If only she can channel her optimism to overpower the power that has been given to her condition. Her future is bright, but the light dims and makes it uncertain when these moments of regret to surface. Self-pity and fear are not to be an option, but yet they both resurface in her brain like it is okay. She doesn't want to fight with it. She wants to deal. She will not live this way. She will not continue life in this fashion. She falls asleep with the thoughts of being person that loved herself wholeheartedly before this came about. The condition will take over itself but not her...she knows so...

After Dark Daydreams

The moon is full and fills the sky with its light, shining out of the clouds that have cleared out from the rain. The beautiful sight of the stars bring on the erotic and romantic fantasies that can be thought of but not spoken. Staring out of the windows, daydreaming starts to become the activity of the moment. The idea of love being made on the roof of the car in front of the window as rain pours down on the two bodies. The pornographic scene of fucking in the backseat as music plays from the radio making the sexy man of the scene go harder and harder. The passionate idea of being laid down on a blanket in a field of grass below the stars, exploring each other's bodies with hands, tongues, and lips. The far away fantasy of fucking in an abandoned house as the weather becomes worse. The more pleasant dream of making love on the beach. Daytime is not an occurence in the beautiful and steamy movement of the imagination as nighttime has become the star of these mental creations. As the time passes and the stars make their way to the outs for the remainder of the night, daydreaming does not waiver, bringing on thoughts of waking up to the sex that is to be made in the morning. The mere thought of the collision of these dreams with reality ignite the senses of the person that houses these extraordinary feelings. Night time is turning into morning, and the moon is disappearing, but the awaken dreams are anything but real. The term after dark starts to become a thing of the past but only until night falls once again. Until then, the momentary creations of the mental process are to be put away.

Caressed Part 1

Yes, that's the feeling that she was looking for. He holds her close as they both sleep away the exhaustion and physical toll of the day plus the intimacy and passionate work they decided to give each other. As her head lays against his chest, he dreams of the things that occurred throughout the day. The early morning drama of the job. The mid afternoon break-up with the girlfriend. The tears that flowed as the beautiful lady laying next to him told him everything will be okay, caressing his face and smiling for the both of them. She didn't mention the note left by her now ex-boyfriend telling her of the other woman and the love child they have. She didn't talk about the fact that he emptied out his things from the place that they shared and told her on a piece of paper that he never loved her. Instead, she took on the task of comforting a friend in need. He relaxed to her touch, and they both felt the comforting electricity that ignited at the moment. The kiss that came next was long overdue. The hands that rubbed each other's bodies made them both relax. He caressed her back as he proceeded in removing her clothes. She blushed and helped him undress, leaving an article of clothing leading all the way to his bed.  The night that have been longing from their former significant others they gave to each other. Kissing each body part as it's exposed. He sucked on her breasts and moved down to her pussy, licking and sucking on it with everything he had. She came over and over, but she knew it was just the beginning...

An Unknown Rescue

The brightness of the sun woke us both up out of our sleep. We both were so comfortable. The events of last night were extraordinary. Who knew this would happen? Never in our wildest dreams did we think this would happen. Clothes all over the place. Shoes never making it to the bedroom. As we look each other in the eye, we know it's time to separate. I put on my clothes, remembering how I ended up here. That son-of-a-bitch told me  about her. Hoe he loves her. How he wants her  and not me. I ran from the party. You left your date to check on me. You gave a hug for comfort. We looked at each other, caressing each other's faces. And then it happened. One second, it was just a peck on the lips. Two seconds, it was softer and longer feel. Three seconds, I felt your tongue explore my mouth, and I reciprocated. Five minutes passed. The passion was too much for us to stay. I agreed to follow you home, and we spent the rest of the night learning every inch of each other's bodies, feeling each other out, relaxing each other's minds, forgetting about our own troubles. Our lips became the best of friends and loved the sensation that came from their union. I laid in your arms and drifted into the best sleep. Now, I must leave, for this is not where  I belong, and I can never come back here again. You go to speak, but I stop you. No names, no numbers, no words. Just the memory of a night neither one of us will forget. Strangers we started, strangers we'll end it. The door closes. I start the car. I laugh. I cry. I leave. It started with a kiss...

As It Pours

The raindrops hitting the window fall at a speed that is slow. The light that illuminates the room is only from the television that is no longer being watched but remains to stay on. The ceiling has become the new focal point of her attention as she lays on her back with her hands folded over her chest. She begins to have those thoughts again. The wanting of that warm body laying next to her. The need for someone to come and hold her as the drops start to fall harder. The thunder brings a jump to her spine, but the lightening only increases her intrigue in the world of affection that she has grown to know so little of. The light from the television becomes dark as she places the remote back down on the bed and goes back to her original position. She doesn't want there to be any light on the tears that have started to come down her face. She never knows where these feelings come from, but she can't fight them or prevent them. She can't help but to think about the fact that there are people in the world that are getting the intimate things that she longs for and desires every time the water falls from the sky. Wanting nothing more than to have a pair of hands to trace the skin that engulfs her body, she silently begins to weep. The day has been long. The mental state that she is in every time it rains has never changed. No one knows of the pain that she feels at this moment, and she refuses to let it out as she doesn't feel that it is necessary. Her time will come when that warm body is there every time it pours, giving her at least the comfort that someone is there to hold her if she wants it, to kiss on her if she desires it, and to make love to her like she needs it. Her emotions start to run deep, but she tries to pull herself together as if somebody is watching. The house is quiet, and all she has to comfort her is the sounds of the storm that is gracefully making her way through the sky. Everything starts to spin around her as her eyes begin to burn from the tears that won't cease to exist. She remembers that she is going to be alone for the rest of the night, and that is a feeling and knowledge that she wishes wasn't true but cannot be helped. Her fate at the moment is to sleep away the ill feelings that have taken over her mental well-being, but this is nothing new to her during this weather. The love-hate relationship that she has with the form of precipitation that is coming from the sky cannot be fought. She has tried to figure out how to deal with what she is feeling, but her only solution has not come yet. As she feels her eyes getting heavy, she turns to face the wall and wraps herself in the beautiful covers that are placed on her loosely clothed body. She wipes away the remains of the cry she shares with no one when it pours, but it continues to rain inside and out. Her internal smile has turned into sadness as she closes her eyes and begins to drift into the land of dreams that shows her the things that she longs so deeply for and is not within her reach. Tonight, the romantic world that she enters into serves as nightmares to her, and she rather not even sleep if these are the things that are going to come to her, but she knows that this is something that she can't be avoided. The phone is on silent. The television plays no sound and shows no picture. The room is as dark as her heart feels as loneliness surrounds the room. The rain, as much as she doesn't want it to be, is her only affection for the night as it caresses her mind away from reality and into the dreaded world of her passionate fantasy...

All Nighter Part 2

The feeling that she is getting from him suckling on her breasts is enough to make her cream. He looks her in the face and asks, "What can daddy do for his bitch?" She grins. "Fuck my mouth and come down my throat." She gets up and motions for him to sit in the chair after she stripped him of the rest of his clothes. Getting his dick hard took next to nothing, but she wanted to thoroughly enjoy having temporary control, so she licked and caressed each one of his balls with her tongue, then she held onto his dick as she had him stand up. He entered back inside her mouth and grabbed her head as he slowly but surely gave her every inch of what she wanted. He creates a steady pace, moaning at the great feeling her mouth was giving him. She plays and caresses his balls as she knows he is about to cum. She sucks along with his rhythm, helping him to reach that point. It shoots and slides down her throat, allowing her to swallow every drop. He loves it so much, his dick stays hard as a rock, so she knows it's that time. She puts it on him and sits back on the desk, spreading her legs and saying, "i want it daddy." He grabs her body as she wraps her legs around him. He enters her slowly, taking his time with her so that he doesn't ruin thr moment. She moans and relaxes her body to get that feeling. His pace picks up. Her breathing speeds up. He sucks her titties one by one, not losing his rhythm and feeling her pussy tighten. "Scream baby" is what he says to her as he starts to pound her. Neither one of them hears the music anymore as he pulls out and instructs her to turn around. She bends over the desk and screams, "FUCK ME DADDY!" He obliges as he pulls her hair and rams hard into her pussy. He feels her cum all down his dick and starts to lose control. Moans are coming from the both of them as she continues to cum over and over, making him fuck her harder and harder. He rubs her back and pulls her hair harder as she throws it back. FUCK!! is all he can say as he feels himself about to reach his ultimate high. They continue to meet each other's rhythm, both breathing, harder and harder, getting louder and louder as they knew it's that time. She squirts all down the both of them, and he cums harder than he has ever had before. The calming period starts as he slows down and pulls out. She falls to the floor, and he joins her. They share a laugh as they both realize how silly they might look on the floor. They do a brief clean-up of each other, put back on their clothes, and share an embrace. The kiss between them was even sweeter, and she exited his workplace, making sure that nobody saw her. He smiles to himself as he puts his place back together. Another placed to add to the list...

All Nighter Part One

He is sitting there at his office and letting the silence engulf his mind. The clock on the microwave reads 2:15am, and he is dreading being there for 3 more hours. The vibration from his phone is too much to ignore. He looks at it and sees a text from the chick his mind has been on all day. She wants to know what he is doing. "About to go crazy at work" is what he says to her. "I know where you are. Want company?" is what she sends back. Tonight is the night he decides to live out his dreams and tells her to come in his favorite outfit. He reads that she'll be there in 10 minutes. He thinks about going to his car and getting the proper equipment for what is about to happen, but he knows she will have it all. The blue Chevy is in his sights. She stops right in front, obstructing the view of the window even more than before but enough to still see out of it from the inside. He gets excited and lets her in as she walks towards him in the black and red lace bra and panties covered by a short trench coat. She slips off the coat, and he proceeds to grab her body close to his and kisses her neck. He looks her in the eye just in time to hear her say "I wanna hear it right now." He goes to the specific playlist on his iTunes and watches her sit up on the desk as Sex for Yo Stereo plays throughout the room. He runs his hands up her legs and moves his chair away from them. She bites her lip as he takes the panties off with his teeth and places them on the desk beside her. It's that time to work his dreams out. He pulls off his shirt and gets on his knees before her, witnessing her legs spread, inviting him in. He dices in, licking and sucking on her clit, reaching every inch of her G-spot with his tongue, holding her body still as much as he can without hurting himself or her in the process. The wetness of her pussy engulfs his face, and she cant help but scream out in ecstasy. Both are loving the feast he is portaking in, but they both know it's not going to end there. Slurp! is all that can be heard from every corner of the room as Say Yes blurs from the computer. He slowly raises, kissing his way up her body to her face, planting kisses on her lips and caressing her breasts. "I'm going to fuck you good" is what he tells her as he slowly removes her bra and kisses each titty respectively. She knows all she has to do is follow instructions as she wraps her legs around him and enjoys the royal treatment she is getting...

Day Dream (originally written 4/19/11)

It all happened within a matter of five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Just sitting there in the corner of the library, he was watching her walk up and down the aisles, placing the books back on the shelves. What he was observing was something he couldn't believe he was staring at. For the man that was sitting in that chair, he wouldn't have ever thought of even glancing at her, but now that he has the time to truly see her beauty, he cant help but to look. His mind starts to wonder to the possiblity of trying to talk to her. He sees himself being rejected over and over until she finally says yes. He then sees himself and the intellectual that has caught his eye walking in a park and telling each other their whole life stories. There is the time that passes, and he then expresses his love for her. She changes the man that is known for being stubborn, and he makes love to the girl that nobody would expect him to date let alone propose to. The fate that he forsees in his head is the life he thought he would never think about, but she has changed all that within a matter of five minutes, but she doesn't even know that he is interested. The day dream he was living in ended when she looked at him, waving to her new admirer and returning to he duties. At that moment, he made the executive decision that this corner in the library would be his just so he can live in those moments over and over again until the day he makes it reality. He knows now that some of the best dreams don't occur in his sleep.

Slumber

The laughter that is going on is something that says tired. The goofyness that is going on tells them both its time to call it a night. He pokes fun at her wrap around her hair. She tells him he looks drunk because his eyes were drooping. The gitty nature is something that means they are both ready to close their eyes. They climb under the covers. The bed is so warm to their bodies as they both have on next to nothing. He opens his arms to her body to be close to his. She happily accepts and slowly lays her head on his chest so that she can feel his heart beating. They continue to joke and play, delaying the inevitable. She starts to close her eyes as he wraps his arm around her. She can feel him relaxing under her. Just a shutting of the eyes turns into the deep, relaxing sleep they both were fighting. She dreams of the place that she already was in, but she couldn't help but to feel absolutely comfortable whe she was. Yes, the dream world that the two were in was great, and the silence between them was peaceful. All is well in the land of imagination and thinking that they both entered. Neither one couldn't have been in a better place.

The Stage

The lights are on. The camera is watching. All eyes are on the chick in the red and black lace. She's nervous, but she doesn't turn back now. Its the moment of truth. Time to give daddy the performance his bitch should give. She starts by moving her hips. Yeah she sees him sitting there looking. He won't have to move for a while, so she is making sure he is in her zone. As the music plays, she moves to the beats. He loves what he sees but he wants to touch her bad. She turns. She shakes. She grinds. She winds. Her hands move all over her body. His dick starts to rise, and she knows it. She walks over to him after removing her bra and places her titties in his mouth one by one. He is loving this teasing but wants the whole thing. She takes his clothes off him and starts to kiss on his body. She works her way to his dick and sucks it royally because she knows its hers. She gets it as hard as she wants it but tells him not to move a muscle. She places the condom on. She takes off her now wet panties. He helps her straddle him in the chair in which he has been occupying all night. The camera is still watching as she is continuing what she considers her best show for him yet. Faster and faster, she rides her dick and moans as he caresses her titties which definitely belong to him. She reminds him how much she loves being his bitch as she rides harder and harder. He can feel her tighten. She can feel his pussy about to cum hard. She screams. He moans. Damn what a great feeling. She slowly gets up and turns around. She bounces on her dick softly but makes sure he is still comfortable, still enjoying his bitch every way that she wants him to. Faster. Moans. Circles. Groans. Vibration. Screams. He runs his hands on his body and holds on to her tight, starting to hold her down so that she can feel every inch of him. She feels his breathing getting harder. She doesn't want it to end. She gets up and tells him "fuck me like its the last time daddy." He points at the chair and says "bitch bend over." She happily does so and waits for him to give her the business. He doesn't hesitate to fuck his pussy with all he got, but she starts to throw it back just as hard. He is surprised but doesn't stop her. Its her stage tonight. He is definitely just on it. The grand finale is coming. He starts to fuck her faster and faster, giving her the dick just like she asked him to. She fucks back with the same intensity. He gets louder. She gets louder. They meet each other at that high place of pleasure. Time to come down. The camera is done watching. The two make there way down to reality again and walk towards their shower. Little do he know, the second act is going down in his bed, but she grabs the plastic wrap off the couch and slowly prances behind the one she calls her nigga...the lights are turned off. Time to leave the stage for the night. Part one was definitely a success.

The One with Heels

Click. Click. Click. Click. Heels walks in the room with the most excited but sexy look in her eyes. She is looking at the One sitting in the chair watching her, waiting for her to make her move. The One has always wanted Heels, but tonight is the night that she will have her. As Heels slowly creeps her way across the floor, the wonderful sound of Raindrops plays in the background. The One has had her eyes on the mocha beauty that is in front of her for so long, and she longs for her body like she has never done before. As Jeremih sets the mood through the song, Heels removes the clothes that are covering the curves The One couldn't help but dream about. Click. Click. Click. Click. Heels works her way over to The One and straddles her gently. "Its our time tonight" is all she says in her ear. Heels grinds softly in The One's lap as they kiss and caress each other. Hands are ran across breasts. Heels' naked body is all that The One wants at the time. They share a moment of lust and need as they know its time to make it to the bed. If only they didn't have to deal with the man standing in the front door...

Confrontation

Hey you. I know that you look at me everyday and ask me the same questions, but I want you to know this is the time to let it be known. I love you with everything in my power, but you're torturing yourself. You know that the feelings you have inside are crucial. You know what you feel for one, but what about the other one? Yeah, you can tell yourself only for so long the lie you want me to believe, but I know the truth. I know that you have pushed some things to the side just to have the moments that you want to have. Is it worth it? Yeah you won't say them out loud, but we know what it is. Are you going to ever declare to the world what you have done? Or are you going to leave your heart in limbo? You know the words you heard last night hurt. They hurt because you know they are true. Maybe it is about time you start listening to me again. You know I know what's best for you. That's why you feel so damn miserable. Melancholy is not a good look on us, so you should try to smile more. If you were as happy as you want to be, then maybe smiling could hell of a lot easier. Poor you. I have no sympathy because you did this to us, and I have to fix it. We are going to get you back to the one that everyone loves. Stop being the bitch you never wanted to become. You can decline taking bullshit without having to be the cold-hearted chick he thinks you are. Wish you could have that other one huh? No you don't because he is going to be the one to break your heart, remember? Can't believe you said that stupid shit. You know you are scared of hurting him and anybody else that gets that close. I'm going to make sure you don't hurt again. I just wish it could be now. Don't cry sweetie. The tears you shed are not going to change the fact that we don;t know what to do, but I'm sure we will be fine eventually. We just have to work on making that happen. Don't cut all our hair off but definitely dye it another color. Get things done and stop stressing. Slowly get through it all and you will be exactly where you want to be at. You have stopped loving yourself like you used to. I know it. That's why I'm here to tell you that we need to rebuild the chick that we both know and love. At least you want to be alone with your misery, but soon we will cut that short. Time to make changes baby. Let's do it. Consider this your intervention. Now, leave the bathroom because you have been looking at me long enough. Just know every time you're here staring in this mirror, I'm looking right back at you. We will always see each other again. Muah kiss to you babe.

Torment

She sees him with the new chick. Her mind starts to freeze. She can't stand the sight of it. The love she has for him won't allow her to process what is going on at that very moment. She stops jumping to conclusions. It couldn't be that way. It's just her mind playing tricks on her. He kisses the girl on the lips. She starts to lose control of her senses. How could he move on so fast? We're not over yet. We are not apart. The reality that she is single for what is now months has not hit her yet. This can't be true. He loves me still is what she tells herself as the couple walks even further away. Her heart starts to make its way to the pit of her stomach. The pain that she is feeling cannot be matched with a bullet to the chest. She walks away, thinking her heart had let go of him but knows that he still has possession over the one thing she thought she wanted to herself. Love still is there, but she can't seem to grasp that hers is invested in something that is not there anymore. She feels tortured. She feels betrayed. She feels happy for him. She feels mad at him. Jealousy is beneath what she feels towards that sight of affection that she lacked. Wishing she still had him, she walks away feeling defeated. In her world, she has just walked out of the eye of the storm and is now entering what could be hell. Fate could not have brought her this low. Only her thoughts are there with her as she cries herself into the slumber she desired.

Slow Motion (originally written April 11th)

I look at the time. 3:21 it says. Wow I thought it has been way longer than that. As I stare at the walls around me, I start to wonder into a state of drift. Man this really got me blown. I look out the window to see if there is something that is going to save my sanity, but I see nothing. The people across the way don't even know that I exist at the moment, but soon they will. I move my fingers across my face to see if there is any effect that will amuse me. Sadly there is none. The sounds of the flying bugs outside and the tugs are the only things constant. This can't be all there is to it. I try to find that place in my mind to tell me to wake up because this is all just a dream, but that place isn't there because I'm wide awake. Thoughts of pain, hurt, anguish, and laughter start to come through my brain. I start to relive recent events and try to forget that some things have changed. Alone for the first time, everything is moving slowly but surely. I know the price to pay, but I'd rather keep the money if I can't have happiness. The randomness of tomorrow is starting to slowly come together and bring itself into life, as it becomes today. Has the world seen what I saw? Will anyone ever feel what I feel? Yes time is of the essence, and patience is a virtue that I am starting to no longer possess. The pleasure factor is moving as slowly as the time is. My life is gracefully moving in the right direction. Sitting in here with these walls surrounding me, I start to hope that time has moved as fast as it does slow...time now: 3:41. It's the moment that surrounds everything else and starts to consume it. As I sit here and stare out the window, I can only imagine what will happen next...

No Touching

Hello is what I say to you when I pick up the phone. It's the middle of the night, but I know you want me just as bad as I want you. The convo goes straight into what each other is feeling. We know we can't have each other, but we also know that talking about it can do some justice. Touching each other can't happen on a physical level as our lives wouldn't permit it for the night, but we still have the option of sharing our thoughts. You telling me how much you rub on my body. I start to feel your lips against my neck. We see each other naked and about to work each other out. As I lay in bed touching on what's yours, I start to feel your presence. As you tell me how you feel me kissing on what's mine, my breathing starts to get heavy. Thoughts just became real as I tell you how I want to make you cum and swallow all of it. You tell me how hard I'm making you. Th thought of you sucking on my titties is driving my pussy insane, and the words that you are saying is making this wonderful. I tell you, "let me ride it baby." "Come on" is all I heard. Legs are spread. Moans are heard. Breathing gets deeper. Harder and harder, I feel her about to give way, but I don't wanna hop off the ride. Cumming hard, I lose control, "SHIT!" is what we both  can breath out. You lay my body down. I brace myself for what is coming. You slide in slow. I wrap my legs around you. As your strokes get harder, my pussy gets wetter. This is what we both see. This is what we both want. Damn this is a great feeling. I hold my legs back as you fuck me with all you got. I scream. You muffle your mouth with my titty. I start to cum but I don't stop. You feel it surrounding your dick. The breathing gets harder. I know its about to happen. You say my name as you cum for me just like I desired. I say yours as I come down down from the high that you brought me to. We both pause. We share a laugh as we both realize that some of the best happens only in the mind and involves no touching each other. Our bodies are weak. Round 2 will have to wait until we see each other again...or until another late night is saved by a phone call. As we both look at a clock, we realize that our time is up and sleep is necessary. We prepare to clean ourselves up and say our see you laters for it is only a matter of time before we touch again.

Fini

The air was cold, and the thunder was hitting hard after the tremendous volts of lightening. The rain putters against the window. Alone in a booth full of light, she reads the words that she is typing to him. She can't help but to notice that her hand is trembling. She holds on to the phone for dear life as she makes her way down the path that she thought she wouldn't have to cross. This is the moment she was never waiting for but had a feeling was coming. She spills her heart out and tells him the truth. Her honesty is all she has left to save her sanity right now. Love was the glue that kept her there. Pain was the thing she never wanted to feel. He tells her how much he hates what she's saying. His heartache is felt even though there. They never wanted this for themselves. Us was beginning to become a thing of their past, but she was the only person that could see that. The glue that was keeping her there was not enough. Her patience had run out. Their season was about to be over, but that is not what she really wanted. A break is what she desired. A break up is what he gave her. Permanent is the action that has taken place. He starts to lose control of his own actions. She cries alone in that booth. The more she cries, the worse the weather gets. The more he sends her, the more pain is swelling through her body. It didn't have to be this way, but she was finished with trying to change her feelings about the entire situation. Loving and caring for him no less than before, she gives him the heartache she promised he would never have to endure again in order to save the piece of her that used to be happy and the place that stored her happiness. She knew change was never going to come and she didn't want to hurt him anymore. Goodbye was all that was left. Wiping her tears away and sticking her phone in her pocket, she put on her glasses and her rain coat to tend to the next vehicle that pulled up to her booth. The feeling of wanting to disappear was there to stay through the storm.

Deep Inside

"Do you want it?" he ask. "You know I want it," she replies. It's morning time, so there are little rays of sunshine hitting their naked bodies. She spreads her legs to let him in. He straps up and accepts the invite, but he does it in the most settle way. She gasps. He moans. She smiles. He strokes. Her appreciation for the pleasure that he is giving her is increasing. The wanting that he has for her is on display. She grabs his body. He grinds into her middle. "Shit!" is all she can say at the moment, but words gradually make their way to the lips of the two in this incredible act. The show they are putting on for each other starts to become the performance they both wanted. She whispers "Fuck me daddy." He tells her "I got you" and proceeds to fulfill her request. What was once a quiet moment between two people has become the escape that they both wanted. He grabs the bed with her legs on his shoulders. She bites her lip and feels her shaking intensify with every stroke. He knows he got her now, and he moves a little faster. She screams "FUCK!" as she feels herself tighten. He moans as he pushes every inch inside of her. They both know what's coming. They start to work together to bring each other there. She starts first as she feels it running down her legs. He strokes faster to keep it going. He tells her "keep cumming for daddy" as he gives her everything he got. She happily complies and loses control of her senses. The once solo performance has become a duo as they both start to moan and move together. He starts to shake. She cums again and again. The air is thick. The room is spinning. Neither one of them hears the music because they're  so in tune with each other. He screams "Shit!" as he starts to climax. She feels him and joins him one last time. He holds her close. She softens the grip on his back. They lay next to each other as they tell each other good morning and begin to giggle and breath. His phone stats to vibrate. Her phone starts to ring. Time to attend to the priorities of the day, but first, another show is in order.

Confliction

The mind that I possess is playing games with me. I can't help but to think that what is going on is fate. Is it real? Could it be? The story tells itself. I'm affected by the deep love that I have for you. The way you make me feel inside is overwhelming. The way you make me want you is amazing. The way you I long for you is exhausting. I don't know how much my patience can take, but she never has felt so strained. I don't know if I'm lying to myself or to you. Love is a word used to express strong admiration, but my infatuation is for another. My heart belongs to the one that brings me joy. My interests is for the one I never lie to. My want is for the one I can't touch. My need is for the one I can't have. She wants this to be her last, she says. The story that she tells could be a great one, but who can she trust to listen? Never wanting to break a heart. Never wanting to be left alone. Always wanting to have a happy ending. Is it you that I need to be with? Is it the real thing? No one can tell me anything that my heart can't take. Someone will get hurt, and I have an idea of who it will be. Question I must ask is who is going to hurt me? Or is it going to be me? Apologizing for something that has not happened but is waiting to come around. Rejoicing about something that could never be. To love oneself is never going to end. The love for another is an ongoing battle, but the war never ends. There is a new season that begins sometime after another ends, but there is the fear that new season will never come around. Hopes of a new season are starting to surface. Are you the one for me? Is it with him that I need to be? Letting my mind drift into the sound of a sad song...I wonder what will come the next time I pick up the phone. Pressing play to I Wonder as Kanye ask the question that I have been asking all along.

Temporary Escape

There they were. The wind was blowing. The birds were chirping. You know. The typical Hollywood movie dream where the guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after in the house with the white picket fence. There were no fences. There was no house. The guy had the girl but only temporarily. Just them with each other. They knew what was going on. They knew what they were up against. Was there a care in the world? Not at the moments that were floating by. The laughs. The giggles. The touches. The kisses. The times of pleasure. The moments of intimacy. The smiles. The down time. The loudness. The quiet. All  the both of them were thinking about. Everything being a mystery in the other's mind. One running from the harsh reality that was to be had when she leaves. The other having to face the difficulty of her life once he was gone. Neither thinking about these things while they were around the other and trying not to speak on it as they were basking in each other's warmth. The love that could come from this. The heartache that could result from what could never be. The joy of knowing that they could be there for each other. The sadness of knowing that there are walls that are made of brick that they have both built because of what is really going on in the world. She belonging to one that she cant have. He belonging to the commitment to himself. The knowledge that they both possess about the other is enough to build the other up or bring each other down. Destruction is something neither one of them wants but cant seem to shake. Its time. They have to come out of hiding in order for them to get back to their lives. His life of chasing a must wanted dream. Her life of hectic confusion. As the ride goes on, thoughts run through the back of both minds. What if? Could it ever be? Will it ever last? How can I do it? Will it work? Is that right? Her questions pertaining to the trials of her life. His questions pertaining to the tribulations of his life. Both having a care and concern for the other. The conversation would come later in the form of jokes and sarcasm, but it will be all too real. They both realize that its over, and their time together is done. She is reluctant to let go but knows she has to, wondering about what he is really feeling inside. He is just looking at her with the intention to read her thoughts and analyze her emotions. The talk is casual. The movement is playful but normal for the both of them. Time to say goodbye. Time to let go and break that shell that has been there for their removal from the real. Everything comes to a halt. Everything moves in slow motion. Everything slows down but moves fast enough to keep them both going. They share a hug. They giggle for a moment. And then it happens. She walks away. He leaves. They separate. Its really a done deal but they will see each other again. He knows it. She loves it. The break from each other could be much needed or could be harmful. Only time will tell. She knows she will hear from him soon. He knows that he will speak to her later. There is nothing lost but beautiful memories are gained. He knows she is smiling. She knows he is thinking. As she talks about these moments, she relives them over and over again. The greatness. The wonder. The imagination. Everything that lacked about what really happened, and everything that is so full about what is not. She lays in her bed. She closes her eyes. Her phone rings. The reality of it all sets back in...all she can do is say hello...

So Good...

The cold feeling against my lips. Fuck that feels so good combined with his. I can feel his tongue moving. I scream. He continues. The moaning intensifies. I can't control myself. Damn! Shit! My legs are shaking. My body is trembling. I know it's coming. He feels me moving. He moans. I groan. He sucks. I jerk. His tongue moves faster. I grab his hair. Oooo...never too much but just enough. He knows I like it. I know he loves it. Baby I can't hold it. Let it out ma. Are you sure? He kisses. I scream. Body tenses up. I feel it flowing and feel nothing. I know he's there. He knows I want more. Hands tighten on my thighs. My legs are spread open. I need to breath. He wants to eat. The ice has melted. The bed is wet. My mind is blown. He loves my moans. Fuck I'm loving this feeling. This is a much needed healing. I'm losing my mind in the essence of the room. He losing track of time in the mist of the performing this incredible act. I look at him. He looks at me. We both know it's time. He climbs on top of me. I invite him in. Slow. Moans. Soft. Moans. Faster. Louder. Harder. Shit! Fuck me! Is that what you want? Yes! Fuck me! He finally loses control. I finally let it go. We moan together. I grab his back. He grabs the covers. He grinds and strokes my kitty. I scream and bite it. He knows I need it. Don't stop. It intensifies. He starts to shake. I start to shake. We grind into each other. I scream. He screams. We let go. We both come up. Our breathing comes down...time to calm down. He lays down. I lay next to him. He kisses my forehead. I wrap my arms around him. Sleep will come easy...

The Grind

Get up. Wipe the eyes. Stretch. Throw the covers back. To the bathroom for the morning piss. It starts. The routine for the green. Cut the shower on. Take off the clothes. Step in and draw the curtains. The real wake up starts now. Thoughts of work run through the brain. The naked body that is left in the bed starts to make a move. Laughs are muffled in the water hitting the face. Time to get to the money. Time to put in the time on the clock. Time to get the wheels in motion. The curtains draw back and another body enters the shower. Hands caress the chest. Smiles all around. Bodies are washed. Kisses are traded. Intimacy is felt. The water is shut off. Towels are grabbed. The bodies are dried. Lotion is applied in the most sensual way. Clothes are grabbed. The once naked bodies become ready for the roles of the day. The two recite the motto of their week: a grind is not stopped til the wheels stop moving. The stroll to the door is a short one. Two people walk into the sunlight. Door is shut. Locks are secured. The grinding begins...

Feeling

To be able to feel is a gift and a curse. The gift has the positive moments where it is happy to know that there is hope, good, and joy in the world. To be able to smile, laugh, live, and love make up the beauty of feeling. To show others they matter. To let people know they are worth it. To express to people the love that is felt for them. Every thing has its bad side. The curse of feeling comes with pain, anger, sadness, and despair. To be able to feel means to know what its like to be heartbroken. To produce the emotions to cry. To have the hatred for others. Feelings of jealousy and rage. Moods of disappointment and lack of care. To want to hide from the world instead of embrace it. Feelings bring on the internal conflict that people have in their own minds and hearts. The war between the good and evil of one's emotions. No, its not about one specific thing. Its just feelings, which are either worn on a sleeve or hidden in a steel box to never be seen. Can one person feel for another? Can someone really know how another is feeling? Can feelings be shared or is it just an individual thing? The darkness that has fallen can bring the feelings that are best left alone, but there is always that little ray of light that brings on the feelings that are best to express and want. If it wasn't for feeling, there would be no love gained. If it wasn't for feeling, there would be no love lost. Hurt and joy wouldn't exist. The world would be just one nonchalant place, and everyone would act the same. As these tears are shedding in this room filled with darkness, the feelings that are best to kept inside are escaping and being released only to oneself. May the person that gets to be in the presence of these feelings have mercy on their own...

The Workings of the Mind

The things that flow through a mind are so influential to the heart. The things that can be transported to the mind from the heart can be something critical. The mind tells the heart to pump physically and keep a person going. Its counterpart does just that. The heart tells the mind how to feel mentally. Sometimes, the mind does just that. Sounds simple in its own way, but that only happens some of the time. Emotions get in the way. Feelings start to affect the mind. Stress starts to deter the messages. Pain starts to take away from what is happening. The heart is only one of many things that affect the thoughts. As I sit here and listen to this wonderful sound play in my ear, I wonder about the things of my then, my now, and my soon to be. I think about the people sitting in the other room. I think about the ones that have ventured upstairs. I think about the one on the way here. I think about the one that I wish was here. I think about the one that is always here. I think about the love that I have to give. I think about the love that I have lost. The hatred that I have kept in a dark place. The feelings that I can't express. The emotions that I have continuously wanted to bring out and show. The things that I say to one. The package that I wish I could bring to the other. The words that I don't care to express to the others. The friends that I love to keep in my life. The family that hold so close. The past relationships that I have had. The potential relationships that I can gain. What was. What is. What could be. What could have been. Oh how I wish I could write the melody of what is in my mind into a song like the one that plays in my ear. How I wish I could really be the person that is in my dreams. How I could kiss the lips of the one that I have longed for. How I could hold the person that has captured a place in my beautiful world. Separation is something that I have practiced greatly, but that wall is slowly starting to crumble, and I don't know how to repair it, but I do know how to tear down the old and build a new. Do I want to tear it down and feed into what the heart is saying? Is it right or is it the mind trying to build its own interpretation of what the heart is saying? So much to feel...so much to contemplate...so much to think about...so much for one to take...the ups, the downs, the trials, the tribulations, the smiles, the frowns, the laughs, the cries...the stress, the love, the hate, the sad, the happy, the physical, the mental, the want, the need...the work, the play, the relaxation, the obligation, the friend, the enemy...Taking in so much of a beat down and still able to recover and heal. No, the heart is not the subject as it may seem in the vocabulary that has just been arranged and exhibited in the sentences before this one. The mind is the centerpiece of this composition. Sometimes a person just has to let it work...and let the heart work right beside it...come along my friend, let us try and make sense of some of the events of my life...then, now, and soon-to-be...