Wrecked

Years and years of building and repairing. Time and time again, making sure that everything is so intact. The place inside that says to a person, "you are great" becoming bigger and bigger. The life of a person's optimism becoming a center point as she decides to make herself mentally better. Torment will no longer stop her. Love will no longer be an enemy. Life will no longer be something that she hate. The scars that she has endured from the days of kids being cruel have dropped their scabs. There may be marks, but they fade deeply. Her confidence is becoming something so incredible, she can't even see how great it is herself. Never becoming cocky, she begins to walk with her head high and all the positivity in the world. Trying to ensure the happiness of everybody around her. Slowly, she starts to develop the dark places in her heart that become the holes of her negativity. She goes through her life believing that her always smiling face is bringing light to every body's lives, but she slowly begins to think about the things that she has done and how people have been hurt by her. The cries she has heard because of her actions. The dreaded news that she is not liked. Slowly, these spots that she didn't realize she had started to become cold. More and more, the way she started to carry herself became care free, but the level of love that she had for herself increased each day as her happiness became extraordinary. Watching her emotions crash wasn't a part of the plan. Experiencing random outbursts of her suppression was not what she expected. Crying at night was something she couldn't avoid. To live in the safest and riskiest ways was what happened to her. One day changed everything. One bad decision led to another. The lies. The deceit. The hatred. The love. The feel. the care. The smiles. The frowns. The ups. The downs. It hit her like a brick through a window, and her inside shattered into pieces. Slowly, the pieces are being put back together, but her insecurities are something that she can't handle. The emotions is something that she can't bear. The hurting continues. The pain won't go away. Everyday is just that, and her optimism is shot. The wound just doesn't seem to want to heal. She has never lost her faith of love and happiness, but its only for the ones that she is around. Never wanting to trump or destroy the happiness of others, but neglecting the possibility of having her own. The love she had for herself is tainted. The feelings that she developed towards life have started to freeze. The road she is headed down is the wrong one, but she seems not to want to turn around. Eventually, she will get to the positive side of things. Smiling from the inside is something that she comes to try and experience as she lives through the positive times of life, but being alone is something she no longer desires. Her thoughts have become the darkest place when in them too long, and she can't bear the sight of herself sometimes. She can't take the sound of her own voice at times, and she can't see herself being complete. Attention? Craved and not wanted. Affection? Desired but not sought. Confidence? There but not complete. The horrible accident that is that day has paralyzed her mind and bruised her soul. The work that she has put in to walk again in the aurora that she once had is something that seems to never be again. She just hopes that the part of the old her that beamed even at the littlest things will begin to resurrect itself and overcome the pessimistic person that only she sees...Her love for life has not wavered, but her love for herself collapsed when she was hit with those words. Her life has changed, and yet, it is still the same.