A Letter to My Love

Hello darling,
Did you miss me? I miss you. I know that sometimes we don't see eye to eye, but hey, that is how relationships go right? How are you today? I hope that you are as fine as you look. Yes lawd! Lol okay let me get to why I am doing this. Sometimes, I like to really get out everything that I want to say in a form of a letter. So here it is. I know you say that I talk too much sometimes, but I wish you knew how much I have to say all the time. Like, all I want to do sometimes is sit there with you and talk and talk and talk. I know that no one has attention span that long. I really contemplate how we have made it this far. I mean, I want to tell you something that I have probably never told you before or have told you before and forgot that I told it to you. I have a problem with commitment. I think that when it has come to past relationships, I have always gotten my way out if I wanted one. Either that or God was telling me that it just wasn't meant to be. Well, when I put it that way, I guess I don't have a problem with commitment. I was trying to connect myself to men that I shouldn't have been with. It has been a year since we have made this official. One. Full. Year. It really does not feel that way to me. To me, it still feels like this thing just started, and we are still in some kind of honeymoon phase that we can't get out of. I love it this way. Our first few months were rough because we are two people that are used to things being the exact opposite of what we were encountering. I can tell, but I wasn't going to give up on us because of it. For the first time in four years, I had fully felt that I could invest my feelings into a man. Yeah I have liked them, and yeah I have had feelings for one, but no one compares to you. When we first started spending time together, something told me that all I needed to do was keep trying. Keep telling you how much I wanted your attention. Keep telling you how much I wanted you around. Keep expressing to you how much I wanted your body, At the same time, I couldn't help but wonder if I was the only one that you were giving this time to. You have been my one and only since the night at the Extended Stay in Sandy Springs. I really didn't want anybody else, and I still don't. I can still feel the kiss you put on my forehead that night. I can still feel your hands around me and the way that you touched me. The sex. Omg the sex. There is a reason I am an addict of you. Every since that first time, I crave you like I crave a drink when I am thirsty and food when I am hungry. I need that. Using the word want in that sentence would be an understatement and a lie. You are a need for me. I need you, and no matter who thinks I shouldn't tell you that I need you, I am always going to tell you that because that is the truth. Week after week, I looked forward to spending time together. It was always fun and helped me relax my mind. You always made it fun for me. Hell, you have never stopped making it fun for me. Every time we are together is another memory that is being made. Yeah we don't always see eye to eye. Yeah I know that I am crazy as hell and I go off sometimes. I know that we are two temperamental people that have very unique and functional relationship, and I have to honestly say that I love every second of it. For the first time in my life, I am not waiting around for the bad stuff to happen. I'm not waiting for you to do something foul or for you to leave or trying to guess when we will be over. I have now become completely comfortable with us and this situation. You are the most amazing man that I have ever met, and it is funny that I say that now because we couldn't even stand each other when we met, I am so glad that has changed. I love you so much, it can't even be put into words. I hate it when you are not around. I miss you when you are gone. I want to me all up under you every chance I get. I need your love and attention. I need your affection and warmth. You make me feel whole. You make me feel safe. You make me feel good. Real good actually. You make me the happiest woman alive. There is no other man that I want on this Earth more than you. As God as my witness, I will not give you up for nothing. You would have to leave me because I am not going anywhere. I always look forward to anything having to do with you, and just so you know, I get excited every time I see your name and face pop up on my phone and hear your ringtone play in my ear. I can't wait until I have you around all the time. I miss you too much when you are gone. You get on my nerves, and I know I get on yours too, but one thing that I do know: I can't be without you. You are one sexy ass man, and I swear I get horny every time I look at you. I mean like so horny I just want to strip you naked and make you fuck me right where we at. Yes yes yes yes yes yes! It is always that serious. I have these thoughts running through my head all the time of us and what our future could hold. God himself and us are the only ones that can really determine that. As long as you are willing to keep me baby, I am yours. As long as you are willing to allow it, you are mine. I can't think of a better person to be my other half than you. From asshole to another, you are my everything. I love you Big Poppa.
Your girlfriend and lover,
Keshia N. Holt (insert hugs and kisses)

A New Drug

Even the best distractions cannot keep me from wanting it. As I go on day in and day out, I feen for it. I dream about it. I can taste it. Feel its effects. Know that it's in my reach but feel like it's too far away from me. My body is physically where it needs to be, but my mind is no longer in the same place. I got to have it, but I always have to figure out new ways to fight the cravings. Every time I see his face, I see it. Every time I hear his voice, I know it's there. Every time I touch him, I feel it. I know he has it, and he knows that I want it. Why won't he just give it to me every second that I ask? Maybe because of life. We work, and we pay bills, and we live separately, and we go out, and we do things, and we love each other, but how does it make me feel when I don't get what I want? I need it. I yearn for it. I can't live without it now. He introduced me to it, and he loves to give it to me in small doses. I bit my lips and wiggle my hips and move my body every time it is mentioned in his presence. He tells me I can have it when ever I want it, but he don't mean it. Every day and all the time is not pratical in the world we share. He knows it. I hate it. Once upon a time, I was getting the largest doses of it, and now, I only get it in small pills. It's torturous at times. I really feel like I'm drowning. I lose it when it's been too long between doses. Withdrawals aren't something that I want to feel. He rations it out because he knowsI can't handle too much at once, but I want it all. Overdosing seems impossible for me. The high I get from it is the same every time. My body can take it...dammit it's not right how I don't have it right now but it has my mind. Staring off into space because it consumes my thoughts. I love it. I like it. Life has become so wonderfully enhanced with happiness since he brought it with him and gave me both. I love him for it. Every time he leaves, it leaves. I miss them both, even though I miss him more. Sometime soon, I will have what I want all the time. And then, just then, will my addiction become just a normal thing. This is not something I ever hope for. I don't think that will ever happen. As long as I am breathing a breathe in my body, that will never happen. As long as I have him around, that will never happen. I'm a fiend for it. It is a necessity for me to have it. I am wringing my hands and shaking my legs just thinking about its goodness. I swear to you I wouldn't have it any other way. The high that I get from it is unreal. The feeling that I get from it makes me feel like I can do anything. My love dove is the only one that has it, and he is the only one that can supply it, so he is the only one that I want to give it to me. I know that I shouldn't want it this much, but who says that the way I want it is too much? I have a need for it, and I don't care because as long as he is willing to give it to me, I am perfectly fine being an addict. For over a year now, it has been this way, and if I have my way, it will continue like this until I have my last breath.

Bullet

The dining room table was clean. Not even a centerpiece touched the surface. The place she called her own was clean and in good condition. It was the perfect scene. She couldn't have asked for a better place to go through with it. It was her fate that this happened this way. She couldn't see any other solution. As she sat on the couch in the living room smoking her black, drinking vodka, cleaning the 9mm she had bought a couple of months ago, she just sat there. Her face was filled with the misery she felt. Her heart was heavy. Finally, she had found her escape. The disappearance she had been so hoping for was being assembled slowly in front of her. Tears flowed slowly but not enough to distract her vision. Carefully she put her toy together, making sure each part was attached correctly. She took a walk to the back room and grabbed the envelopes she had placed the letters in. Each one explaining the love and feelings she had for the receiver. She wanted them to understand they didn't have to worry about her anymore. The concern can cease. Her faith was long gone. Her hope was destroyed. She always said she would die alone. This was going to guarantee it. This was years in the making. In her mind, it should have happened before she started sixth grade. Everyone always told her to think about herself first. This was the one thing she wanted the most. She placed the envelopes on the table. The black was done. The glass was empty. It was time. 9:42am. She placed herself on the couch to be comfortable. Sixty seconds. Awaiting the time she was brought in this world to leave it. The white dress she wore would be ruined. That was her intention. It was as empty as she felt inside. No more feeling worthless. No more insecurity. No more contemplation of this act. No more tears. No more sadness. No more feeling anything. It was about to over. She was done. Finally she was done. 9:43am. She slowly placed the hard steel to her temple. 1...she cried hard...2...she closed her eyes and take her last breath...3...she pulled the last trigger. It was over. Her life had come to a tragic end...but only for a few seconds, the length of time it took for her to realize the gun had jammed and she was still breathing. 9:44 had flashed across the screen...she cliched her chest and wept into the dress with the gun sitting now sitting on the couch. Praying was all she could do. It was the only thing she could think of after another one of her thought out plans had failed...

Uncomfortable

All it took was to see his name. The thoughts of being in his presence are starting to look more like memories as opposed to a possibility. Friends are they called each other. A relationship they once had seems like it never existed. The closeness they developed has faded. What she thought could have been has lost the potential to be. His hugs brought the joy that she once felt being in his arms. The sound of his voice reminds of the talks that created their loving environment around each other. His bed was a place that she became all too familiar with. His embrace was a place that she couldn't help but to want to be in. The clouding of her thoughts made her feel something almost unreal. The tenderness that was presented was under a pretense that only she could see. Almost taken to a place she haven't visited in years. It was enticing. It was intriguing. It was confusing. It was exciting. It has turned into almost nothing. The attitude that she received only told her that it was never gonna be more than what it was. The actions that were observed and analyzed said it was time to come to an end or a long halt. Patience was gone. Tolerance was tested. Situations made things seem so strained. Friends they remain, but it is hard not to recognize that things are not the same. She still can feel that he cares, but she don't know if he feels the same way. Her attention has started to focus elsewhere. His goals of pursuit have become his priority. She has become infatuated for another in the way she once was with him. A smile crosses her face for a whole other reason. That comfortable place is no more.

More Random Thoughts

As much as I love relationships, I don't ever see myself having that works. I want too much and not enough for it to be. Someone will put up with my crazy ass eventually. Until then, I fuck around and enjoy life. Change of thought: I want to fuck the shit outta him. Yes I do. I want to ride his dick until I can't no more. Yeah this is the thought running through my head. Him on top of me with my legs pinned by my head with him gripping the covers behind me fucking me speechless. Shit! His dick is amazing! If I could have that ju everyday...mmmm mmmm shit! Those dreads...omg...that body...the way he sounds when he deep in this pussy and decides to talk...that's the kind of shit that makes me cum so hard. My squirting and body shaking is motivated by him completely. I want to fuck him right now, and if I wasn't at work, I would have him naked in my bed fucking my brains out. He can get it whenever he want it. I don't give a fuck. It is what it is. If it is worth it, I will make time for it, and he got that shit that keeps my sheets and anything else we fuck on fucked up. Even the way he sucks my titties...I loss my mind because I know the dick is there for the taking. Ever had your pussy slapped with a dick? Shit is amazing. Didn't know I liked it til it happened. Fucking is my escape from my own bullshit sometimes. I fuck so that I don't think. I fuck so I don't act any other way. I fuck so that I feel better. I fuck so that i can ignore shit around me. I fuck because I love it. I also fuck to keep shit together. Its amazing how much I fuck. What can is say? Its one of the best things I have going for me. Hell it keeps somebody's attention. I really wish I was at home right now. My bed is my ultimate escape. I sleep away everything that I can. If I could be locked in my room for a few days with everything I need but the bathroom, I would be so grateful. That is definitely one place where o can release my misery in peace. Its my place of solitude. My thoughts are free to roam in their own. I love my bed and my room and if it was up to me, I would have never left it tonight and would stay in it all day tomorrow. Its okay. My days off are coming soon and I plan to spend the first one sleeping and ignoring my phone. Fuck it. People will know where I am. Whatever. I have a high disregard for people's feelings sometimes and that is really fucked up but is the naked truth. Can't put it any other way. Definitely just unbuttoned my pants so that my side would stop hurting and my stomach can breath. Had to redo it though because I just remembered I am at work. I think I am going to end it here before I really start reaching for shit to write.

Random Thoughts

I have to really adjust to being able to talk to people. I mean like really open up because I feel as if I talk too much about me. I never want to be that friend that turns every situation to be about them. That shit is annoying to folks, and I can't turn into that person. I have to find another way to express my feelings and thoughts because I dont think people can really take my level of emotional shit that I have going on inside me. It's crazy how much I love to have people that care but grew accustom to people that were just pretending. Maybe they weren't. I am now starting to see the true and genuine concern of others, and it scares the shit outta me. I don't want to run them off or push them away, but if I keep talking about all this deep ass shit I am feeling, it is bound to happen. No one doesn't want to be around someone that is not truly happy unless they are miserable themselves. I am not miserable. More so content. I have joy in some things and complete sadness in others. Something that I am starting to learn about: balance. Everything in life has to have balance. Wanna see how random my thoughts get? I truly believe that I will never be hood enough for anybody and when someone says I am I am going to run as fast as i can to get away from them just so i don't hurt them in anyway. Some men say they have commitment issues. I am afraid to hurt someone else, and I believe me getting hurt is just now my life is going to go. The shit I think is not only deep but negative as fuck. Years of letting my confidence be destroyed and my insecurities rule my thought process along with no real conversation with others about how I feel have brought me to become of a person of combustible feelings. Investing my emotions into things that i shouldn't. Putting myself in the shoes of someone when I need to be worried about my own. Why do making other people happy makes me happy? Because my happiness has yet to rebuild itself. I love it when everyone around me smiles because it warms my heart. Keeps me from having the negative thoughts I am having now. Some of the things I do with my life are for the wrong reasons but create temporary escapes from my reality. I have been handed so many things on life, and now I have created a life in which everything has to be worked for, even if it is me doing the work. Fuck it. I have done what I have wanted to do for so long but yet feel like I have done nothing at all. As much as I don't want to cry right now, these are unavoidable. This is why I have this for. This is why I write this blog. To get out everything I want to say but can't get out because I dont have an ear that could possibly want to listen to that much talking. I swear, if people let me talk as much as I truly wanted to, it would take me a week to get out everything I have to say. It's not an attention span on earth that can take that. Need to get back on the couch sessions. I may be the keeper of the emotions of two, but there is a reason why this is so. I.have a lot to say. I think a little too far into shit. My optimism has been ripped to shreds over the years and I have let it happen. Always having hope for the best but now expecting the worst. My mind is not in a happy place at the moment, and as much as I want it to be, I am having a problem bringing it there. I must say that my friends are definitely helping with these tweets. Starting to gain a grasp of what it is like to love myself again, but having something to express love to is a joy I have taken away from myself and wont have back for a very long time.
I love being in love. That feeling is like no other. I am a highly sentimental person who hates artificial sentimental shit. I live for real romance. Having someone else's emotions to hold has amplified my sentiments. I hold on to the dream of being someone's permanent significant other. Just pray that it becomes my reality. Right now, it's a no. Yeah I have gotten into some really deep shit, and I know this post is extra long, so I will stop...and continue...

Unstable

It's all pretty much a mystery how a person can have so many moods in a day. The heart is normally the holder of all emotion, but the mind tends to make the heart confuse itself on how to feel. Joy turned to anger. Anger turned to sadness. Sadness turned to calm. Calm turned to pain. A smile to a frown. A frown to a tear. The stream that is following says a lot and nothing at all. The happy place was tapped into but brought along with it the painful thoughts come with what is desired. At times, to not have what is needed for the heart to remain whole is to not have anything at all. Vunerability comes with the removal of the strength once built to withstand anything and with that, weakness of controlling the feelings and emotions of a broken soul starts to overpower the thoughts of the mind. Randomness becomes a new way of expression, and anything can come without warning. Overly dramatic. Highly emotional. Completely off. No self control. It all sees itself running from itself, and the mirror stares back without even the tiniest crack. What is happening is unknown. What is being done is real, but it can be overcome. There is no real winner in this raging battle as it comes to an end at lost. There is no peace, and things might not ever change...

A Return to a Love Lost

I remember when I first realized who you were. It was love at first sight. You were standing looking at me, and I couldn't help but to recognize your smile. It was from then on I vowed to love you forever and never mistreatment the greatest chick I know. So happy. So goofy. So full of life. Our bond was something that could never be broken. I thought we were inseparable. As time went on, my love for you got stronger. Through all the teasing and physical stuff, I still loved you. When no one wanted to make me feel like someone, you made me feel welcome. Moving you around was something I hated to do, but it was only for the best. You seen that. You were my life line, my hero, and my comfident. We never fought, and you always knew what to do. My love for you was once greater than I could ever imagine. Then it happened. Somewhere along the line, I started to change. You couldn't make me happy anymore. You tried and your effort had no limit, but it wasnt enough. The negative thoughts of others made you want to reconsider life. My love for you started to fade. It was gradually decreasing, and there was nothing you wanted to do to stop it. You started to let me go, and I started to push you away. Looking at me became harder and harder because you couldn't stand the sight of me. I loved you, and you loved me, but it wasn't enough to keep up with you. I lost you and the admiration that I always had for you and cherished. You were my foundation, and without you, I didn't want to stand. For you, I didn't want to fight. I knew one day you would come back to me, but after all these years, my love for you has wavered. I want you back. I need and want to love you again. Your warmth, comfort, and dedication to me is something no one else can give like you. I miss you. You're the greatest chick I know, and I would to have you back and fall in love with you all over again. I'm thoroughly prepared to put in the effort to make this work between us.

Signed, Me

Bright as Day

It's clear what is going on...the light that is being shone has to come from somewhere. The sun has long went down, but the light shines bright as ever. It's just them in the room, and it's clear to see that the feeling in the air is more than what they both expected. No bed. Just a blanket. No words. Just holding each other. No sounds. Just staring with small kisses in between. The room has little actual light, but the smiles that they were showing each other was more powerful than ever before. At first, they were too shy to show each other their true colors. Yes, there has always been laughs and giggles, but eye contact was very minimal, and this created something in the both of them that made it so much more different. Months of dancing and jumping around each other. No more going on between them but the kisses and cuddling that they are sharing right now. The dates. The hours of conversation. The moments of laughter that they couldn't hold in. The times of her crying on the shoulder of the other chick in times of need. The comfort she provided when her beautiful counterpart was in need of a hug or just a friend. It all comes to light at this moment. Nothing can take this away from them now. As they caress each other, they communicate through each other's eyes, and they both know that they do not want to take it there just yet, but they know that they are at a place now where there is no return. She smiles. Her female counterpart smiles back. It's fate, they both think. They now believe, more than ever, that they will last for a very long, if not forever. The intimacy that they share says way more to them than any removal of their clothing could do. As they retreat to the bedroom to hold each other and sleep, they remain silent, but the smiles that are their faces are felt throughout the walls that that surround them, and this brings more light into the room and more shine into the situation than ever could be imagined. Nothing needs to be said, and that is they way they silently decide to keep it. There is no rain that come down on their parade anytime soon...that, to them, is absolute bliss...

Engulfed

The four walls that surround me could never know my story, but that is not their place. As I stare at the ceiling, the randomness of my mind play a tune for me that is bittersweet. The thought of drifting off to la la land has not hit my body, so sleep is not coming anytime soon. The spot that is being occupied by my physical being only caresses her so gently. Comfortable. Her life has become a tainted and altered form of what it once was, or at least that is what the voice of insecurity that exists inside of her is telling her right now. She listens as that voice tries to reason with her to do things she couldn't just do on a regular day. The events that only exist in her imagination start to play for her in a beautiful movie form that exhibits heartache, tragedy, laughter, happiness, and sorrow. Her normal state of confusion never sleeps, and her fixed  place in the world of curiosity will not move for anything. She focuses on the routine she has created for her life, and she plays with the idea of a change, but the voice tells her she's crazy. "What's the point?," she wonders as she turns to face the wall. She whispers to herself that she is fine the way she is, but the truth behind that statement loves to rear its ugly head. Wrapped in the covers is the body she possesses but does not own. Wrapped in a never-ending battle of confidence and insecurity lies her sanity and mind. Covered in a sea of mixed emotions and uncertainty is her heart. Once joking about being in a shell, she now finds herself trapped without knowing a way of getting out. Sub conscious plays a major role in this autobiography she calls living as it works its way through her actions, words, and dealings. The things she can't stand she loves dearly. The things she embraces she wants to destroy. What she wants she pushes away. What she needs she ignores. What is not good for her is supreme ruler of her twisted mental world, and she can only pray that this stays a temporary thing. To matter to her can be the worst. To be nonexistent is, in itself, a blessing. The voice keeps talking as she tosses and turns her way into a web that the voice is weaving. The feeling of drowning increases with each twist of her body. The feeling of failure takes over her mental state, but that piece of her that's made of stone attempts to quiet the ridiculous words that are being spewed everywhere, but she knows it will never die. The urge to create separation starts to grow, but the willingness to stay won't allow her to. No tears. No sorrow. No sympathy. No remorse. Hurt and pain surround her senses, but she has to remember that it is all hypothetical but feels all too real. There is something that the voice is correct about: she has found herself in that cycle again. Breaking out of it is a bitch, but it is not impossible. As she closes her eyes for one more last attempt at running through dreamland, she can't help but to wonder what will be the monkey wrench to make that machine stop and forever alter what she says just can't be life.

Blending

Mmmm...waking up in a bit of a daze. She looks around remembering that she is in a penthouse on the other side of town. She smiled at the body laying next to her. It was their first time together since she met him four months ago. She never thought she would even give him the time of day. It didn't  cross her mind until their first conversation. Not the kind of man she is used to. Blond hair. Green eyes. Vanilla colored skin. Body has definition but not too much. He was a fine specimen of a man. Such a gentleman. She never thought twice about being seen with him. She doesn't give two fucks what others think, and she loved the fact that he didn't either. She couldn't figure out what he saw in her because she knew what he was used to dating, and she was no where near close. She laid there, watching him sleep, thinking about the past twelve hours of her life. Going to see a show. Dinner cooked and prepared in the best restaurant. Relaxing moments on his couch. A kiss here. A caress on the arm. Cuddling slowly turning to passion. Clothes slowly being removed. She has to pause and look at him for a few seconds because she couldn't believe this was happening. It was real, and she knew that she wanted to definitely make this happen. She didn't know how she was going to react to his dick once she saw it, but she was surprised when all she  did was take it in her mouth and made love to it with her tongue. He handled her body ever so gently. He ate her pussy ever so greatly. He laid her down in his California King ever so gracefully. She reacted in the same way she had done for men in her past, and she knew her life would change after this night. She loved the way he paid attention to her movements and body as he made her cum over and over again. She rode and bounced on his dick like there was no tomorrow. He rubbed her back as he fucked her royally, and she couldn't get enough of it. They worked each other until they both passed out. Letting this run through her head,  she watched as he started to stir and open his eyes to look at her. He smiled when he realized she was still there and invited her into his arms. She accepted, and she closed her eyes and relaxed against his chest. It had been so long since they both has a moment like this. Neither one of them thought this would ever happen with them together, but both were glad to have it happen. As they drifted back to sleep, they both started dreaming about the next moments they would share. The cloud that they both were on at that time was becoming the most comfortable place in the world.

Get It Girl (originally written July 3rd)

The door was a few inches away. He was staring at it as part of his mind that told him this was going to be great kicked in hard. She saw his car outside and opened the door in the purple dress she had just bought  that day. Short, tight, low cut, and revealing. His mouth started to salivate at the sight of her in that outfit with the matching heels. She stepped out the way so that he could come in and pointed to the chair in the middle of the living room. She cleared out the room except for the chair and the living room table. She hit play on her iTouch, starting the playlist she had created just a few hours before. As Play started to blur from the home stereo system, she bounced her way to the top of the table. He leaned back and watched her dance on the table like a stripper on a stage. She bounced her ass to the music and grinded her hips when deemed appropriate. The heels supported her weight perfectly, and she was dipping. splitting, and shaking those long legs and voluptuous ass of hers. He couldn't help but to stare as Back That Azz Up made her start bouncing in ways he didn't know she could move. She grabbed the bottom of her dress and vibrated as she pulled it over her head. Her 40DD titties were jumping with every movement she made, and all he wanted to do was touch on her. The purple and black lace set she had on accentuated every curve and inch of her body. No stomach in sight, she grinded her hips and swayed to the sounds of Like Glue, slowly moving her hands over her body as she vibrated and popped her body at the same time. He was caught in a daze because this is a side of her that he had only dreamed about. She turned her back to him as she unsnapped her bra and continued to gyrate her way to getting him as hard as a rock. She slowly twisted around to face him and then dropped down to all fours as Get Loose made her flexibility get out on display. She laid on her back and lifted her legs up so that she could slide her panties off and expose her pussy to him. Since the heels were strapped on, she didn't have to worry about them coming off in the process of her moving so much. Slowly sitting up, she hopped off the table and danced her way to him as Rihanna did in Rude Boy, which was playing. She turned around and grinded her naked body in his lap, allowing him to grab her various parts and kiss down her back. As the song was starting to hit the last minute, she turned around and straddled him. Kissing his lips and feeling on his dick, she moved her mouth to his ear and said,"Let's fuck. Right here. Right now." She got up and laid on the table, heels still on, and she knew he would do it considering this was his fantasy becoming reality. Naked bodies collided as the playlist went on, making the night that much sweeter.

Heightened Darkness

Mmmm...that's the sound I make when you kiss my lips. The taste of you is phenomenal. Never thought I see the day when I date somebody like you, but I must admit, your physique intrigues me. Your sweetness goes beyond the taste of you. Your respect for me makes me want you a little bit everyday. Tall, dark, and handsome. Three words I still can't believe I'm using to describe the man slowly removing my clothes and caressing my body. Yes, I love living in this moment. My legs wrapped around your body. Your heavenly smell engulfing my senses. Those big, strong hands moving across my skin. I get enticed by your accent as you whisper in my ear what you want from me. Fuck, that got me hot! The softness of your body lets me know you take the best care of yourself. Your muscular build is something I have silently admired and always wondered about. Now, I get to see the flesh that has been placed captive in those clothes. We have been tip-toeing around each other for too long, but now, it's our time to know what the other feels like. As we stand facing each other, I smile at how I only come to your chest. You chuckle at my lack of height, even with my heels on. I playfully push you on the bed and climb on top of you. Oooo...sightings of your dick intrigues my pussy and makes my mouth water. I kiss my way down to it, feeling your fingers run through my hair. Have you been thinking about this like I have, baby? Have you dreamed of this moment as I have on those nights when I have come home without you? Slowly but surely, my fantasies will come true. I will re-enact us into reality. Yes, I love the way the taste of your dick makes my pussy throb with excitement. Yeah, I'm loving the sounds you make as I suck and lick my way down your dark chocolateness. It's only right that I make you cum down my throat as I cum down yours. It's time baby. Bring that ass here and give me what I've been wanting is all I hear from you. I jump on the dick, placing my hands on your stomach and riding real slow, speeding up as I grind my hips  and bite my lip. I feel your hands holding me and guiding my body. We both moan from the feeling, making sure I don't lose control. Shaking. Bouncing. Moaning. Gripping. Dan I can't take it! I cum down your shaft and lay on your chest, only to feel you lift my body and stand up, your manhood still in me and my body still against yours. With my back against the wall, I damn near scream at how you stroking me. Feel it running down your legs? Like how my legs tighten around you? Your strength is expected, but your power is a surprise to me. The way you lay me down keeps me excited. The fact that you know where to hit it just right keeps me wanting more. Moans. Cums. Screams. Shivers. I hear your breathing deeper. I feel so surrounded by your large frame but can't help to pull myself into it. I grip your broad shoulders as my pussy continues to drown the bed and ourselves. The breathing goes harder. Our bodies tense up together. We both release  and feel ourselves coming down. You lay down in the mess we have made and pull me on top of you. I giggle and lay down on your chest, unable to fight the feeling of a baby in her father's arms. Relax is what we tell ourselves. Clean-up is what's next on the agenda. Tall, dark, and handsome. That's how it's going to be for a good while...

Grooving

The crowd has gotten thick, but the air is still cool as it blows and circulates around the well dressed bodies that surround the place. Even though the drinks have been flowing, nobody has lost their cool. The ladies are laughing and giggling as they enjoy the scenery, and the men are looking around to find that one to get at. There are a few bar sitters, but nobody is hugging the wall. No suit jackets. Nothing extra stiff or fancy. Just relaxed. That's the atmosphere that these grown and sexy people have been brought into. Smiles adorn the place, the music sets the tone for what everybody is expecting: a great time. There are no worries about safety. There are no arguments about territory. Everybody is just enjoying each other without there being any expectations. The aurora screams wonderful. Everybody seems to have manners as they weave and walk their way through the crowd and around each other. Then it happens. The DJ calls everybody to the dance floor. The music starts to blur around everybody and is so engulfing that no one can resist the temptation to dance. It's nothing short of amazing as every man and woman that are in the place starts to move around the floor and bounce around to the beats and lyrics that are surrounding the place. Yes, it's happening. Tonight, relax is the word of the evening. Fun is the goal accomplished. A good time is what is achieved. The staff and the head honcho join the rest of the people in this time of rare commodity. No one can remember such as a free state of being with so many people around that has no problems. Everybody will embed this night into their minds as if it was New Year's: a night to never forget. Then comes the last call. Everybody starts to exit and make their way to their next destination. Numbers have been exchanged. Connections have been made. Groups have gone their separate ways. Time to shut it down for the night...Yes it has been another success...

Just That...

A look to the left. The clock reads 5:36pm. A look to the right. She looks at him for about a minute as he sleeps. He doesn't know she has sat up and is contemplating her escape. She wants to leave so bad, but she knows that once she gets up, so will he. He looks so peaceful. She can't help but to smile, but she knows that he is only going to wake up to ask her if she is ready to go. Why not beat him to the punch? She thinks that her leaving without him asking will hurt his feelings for some reason. Why does I care so much? is what she ask herself. The thought of going to the bathroom crossed her mind, so she went. She knew that if he heard the bathroom door close, he would go back to sleep and think nothing of it. As she stands in the bathroom, she starts to cry. The tears are silent, but she can't help it. They come from the feeling that this is going to be the rest of her life. The idea that she will never be taken seriously is embedded in her mind. The notion that she will only be good enough to fuck and occasionally be around is something she believes is inevitable. She wipes away her tears, flushes the toilet, and runs the water as if she actually did anything. She didn't want there to be any questions. She will never tell him about her hopes and dreams of getting married and having a family because they don't talk about that stuff. Yes, they know each other outside of the bedroom, but it is not enough for her. She can't take just being a fuck buddy even though this is the position that she has played for years. She loves to fuck, but she does have the plan for more. Six years since her last relationship. Four years since her last real date. Two years since she has gotten her own everything, and yet she still is without that person on her arm to do everything that she ask and love her the way she wants. Instead of looking, she settles for the little bit of affection that is given to her when he hugs against her body when they are finished. She looks forward to the little kisses on her neck and lips that he gives her when he sees her and starts to take her clothes off. She enjoys the brief conversations that they have from time to time about absolutely nothing. She refuses to have the conversation with him because she doesn't want to scare him off. Besides, there is no real feelings there. They are not even friends. They are just fucking."Get it together girl" is what she tells herself before she feels anything for him, but she can't help it. No, he ain't the only one that she lays next to, but he treats her the best. She's no side line bitch, but she is not the one and only to anyone, and that is what kills any good feeling that she has about being here. She looks at him in the bed, but she doesn't see herself rejoining him. She grabs her clothes. He starts to stir. She puts on her shoes. He sits up. She walks towards the door. He says her name. "I'll see you later" is all she says to him as she walks out and makes it to her car door. She rolls away, wiping away the tears as she gets further and further away from what she considers the closest thing she will ever have to a relationship. It freezes her heart to think that way. It burns her soul to believe any part of it. She knows it is nothing more than what it is. Her emotions are out of line. Down the expressway she goes, headed to her solitude to wait for that next call or text of somebody saying that they are in need. She vows to herself that she will have the family life that she wants...now all she has to do is make herself believe it...