A New Drug

Even the best distractions cannot keep me from wanting it. As I go on day in and day out, I feen for it. I dream about it. I can taste it. Feel its effects. Know that it's in my reach but feel like it's too far away from me. My body is physically where it needs to be, but my mind is no longer in the same place. I got to have it, but I always have to figure out new ways to fight the cravings. Every time I see his face, I see it. Every time I hear his voice, I know it's there. Every time I touch him, I feel it. I know he has it, and he knows that I want it. Why won't he just give it to me every second that I ask? Maybe because of life. We work, and we pay bills, and we live separately, and we go out, and we do things, and we love each other, but how does it make me feel when I don't get what I want? I need it. I yearn for it. I can't live without it now. He introduced me to it, and he loves to give it to me in small doses. I bit my lips and wiggle my hips and move my body every time it is mentioned in his presence. He tells me I can have it when ever I want it, but he don't mean it. Every day and all the time is not pratical in the world we share. He knows it. I hate it. Once upon a time, I was getting the largest doses of it, and now, I only get it in small pills. It's torturous at times. I really feel like I'm drowning. I lose it when it's been too long between doses. Withdrawals aren't something that I want to feel. He rations it out because he knowsI can't handle too much at once, but I want it all. Overdosing seems impossible for me. The high I get from it is the same every time. My body can take it...dammit it's not right how I don't have it right now but it has my mind. Staring off into space because it consumes my thoughts. I love it. I like it. Life has become so wonderfully enhanced with happiness since he brought it with him and gave me both. I love him for it. Every time he leaves, it leaves. I miss them both, even though I miss him more. Sometime soon, I will have what I want all the time. And then, just then, will my addiction become just a normal thing. This is not something I ever hope for. I don't think that will ever happen. As long as I am breathing a breathe in my body, that will never happen. As long as I have him around, that will never happen. I'm a fiend for it. It is a necessity for me to have it. I am wringing my hands and shaking my legs just thinking about its goodness. I swear to you I wouldn't have it any other way. The high that I get from it is unreal. The feeling that I get from it makes me feel like I can do anything. My love dove is the only one that has it, and he is the only one that can supply it, so he is the only one that I want to give it to me. I know that I shouldn't want it this much, but who says that the way I want it is too much? I have a need for it, and I don't care because as long as he is willing to give it to me, I am perfectly fine being an addict. For over a year now, it has been this way, and if I have my way, it will continue like this until I have my last breath.